Vampires in Vegas
by vjgm
Summary: Alice and Rosalie decide to take Bella to Vegas for a bachelorette party against her will. The boys feeling leftout, decide to get themselves into a little trouble too. 1st fanfict...rated T
1. Suspicions

Vampires in Vegas

This is my 1st attempt at writing so forgive any major errors in writing. I also have no idea how to post multiple chapters so I am going to make it up as I go along :) It was a funny idea that came to me so I hope you laugh.

_I own nothing. It all belongs to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer. I humbly bow in her presence - and love her characters thoroughly. _

Suspicions

My foot was tapping a mile a minute as I gazed into Edwards' beautiful eyes. I don't know how long I had been staring at him, getting more frustrated with every passing minute."Have you figured it out yet Edward?" I asked for at least the fifth time this hour.

"No Bella. She's getting very good at blocking me out of her mind. As soon as I decide to look, she _sees_ it and her head fills with thoughts of elaborate mathematical equations, words to really bad songs, or worse…" he shuddered at the thought. I can only guess those images involved her and Jasper in a compromising position.

For the past week, I only saw Alice briefly. And if Edward came in the room she zoomed off on an errand or went hunting, again. It wasn't like her to act like that. She was avoiding me, and definitely avoiding Edward.

"I know she is planning something. I can just feel it. We have to figure it out before it's too late." I was getting paranoid and starting to drive Edward crazy with all my questions even though he was too much of a gentleman to say anything.

In addition to her strange behavior, I noticed a certain twinkle in Alice's eye that always makes my stomach knot up. Usually, it meant another shopping trip to Seattle or an afternoon of 'Bella Makeovers' which I think she really should be getting tired of by now.

It was two weeks until the wedding and I was stressed out enough without having to worry about what Alice was going to ambush me with on top of it. I had been bugging Edward for days to 'pick Alice's brain' for me and figure it out but even he was stumped which I think had him a bit worried too.

_I own nothing – Stephenie Meyer – sheer genius- owns it all._

Double team

Edward's cell phone suddenly rang "Were your ears burning? Yes, I'll ask her." He turned to me with a suspicious smile on his face. "Alice wants us to come over to the house right now. Are you up for it? She _claims_ she needs to tell you something important." He rolled his eyes at me and smiled.

My foot froze and I simply nodded my head. Hopefully it would be over soon. A new dress, a skimpy swimsuit for the honeymoon, a new hairdo, waxing my eyebrows…..my mind started running through the horrors that awaited me in Alice's plan.

Edward hung up the phone and a slight look of worry clouded his otherwise perfect face. He put his hands tightly around my waist and pulled me close. "Don't panic, but I think this is going to be worse than you thought Bella. I think _Rosalie_ is in on her plan too."

"Why do you say that? What did she say? Did you see something?" My brain want haywire. I thought back over the last few days. Alice and Rosalie _both_ had been hunting more than usual this week and I had only seen them a few minutes at a time and then they had to go do something come to think of it. Were they both trying to keep Edward out of their minds with odd thoughts and distance? I knew his gift was limited by distance…..was that why they were gone so much? Had they really been hunting or were they off planning something that would for sure be the end of me? I looked into Edwards' beautiful eyes, my face looking as helpless as I felt.

He smiled and gently kissed my lips. "Don't worry; I'll protect you from my crazy sisters. I can be quite frightening when I want to you know." He flashed me that dazzling smile that made my heart race and then gently kissed my lips.

I kissed him back and laughed "I think I'm more afraid of Alice than the Volturri sometimes. And if Rosalie is in on this….." my face flushed bright red. "Let's get this over with right now before I lose my nerve."

I looked up with a smirk, grabbed Edward's face and pressed my lips to his. As always, his cool lips felt wonderful on mine…too good. His face curled into a smile and I knew that meant I was pushing my luck, but I didn't care. If I was about to be humiliated and the hands of his sisters, I wanted to get _something_ good out of it. We were both smiling as we headed to his car.


	2. Bellanapped

_I own nothing – Stephenie Meyer – sheer genius- owns it all._

Bella-napped

"Well?" I asked as we pulled into the Cullen garage. "Anything? What are they thinking?"

Edward just laughed. "Alice is counting by 4's she's up to 21,692….21,696… and Rosalie is picturing herself in every possible outfit she has in her closet, her own personal fashion show. They're good; I have to give it to them." He was laughing now. I could tell he was really concentrating looking for any clue but there was nothing. He shrugged and opened his door.

I climbed out of the Volvo and walked into the house. Alice came bounding down the stairs with such a big smile on her face I thought she would burst. Rosalie was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine but a little smirk danced across her face as we walked into the room.

"Bella you're here!" Alice yelled in her most musical voice. For someone so small she could be so loud. "I have something to tell you and you are going to LOVE it!!" She was now jumping up and down at near vampire speed which was making me a bit nauseous.

"Are you finally going to tell me what is going on? We know you are keeping Edward out of your mind so I get the feeling this is going to be a whopper. Of course you should know Edward has promised to protect me from you …..both" I glanced over at Rosalie with raised eyebrows as I said that. She started laughing.

"Relax, Bella. You always get so worked up. Just trust us for once, please. How much trouble could little Alice and I possibly get you into?" Rosalie asked as she innocently batted her eyes are me. I could see why Emmett was putty in her hands.

"Sooooo……" I asked.

Jasper and Emmett came into the room looking very confused. "We'd like to know what is going on too. You two haven't been 'normal' for days. Not that I'd ever call Alice normal…" Emmett trailed off.

"Do we get to join in the fun?"

Jasper must have felt my anxiety and I felt calm wash over me. "That won't help Jasper! Just make your wife tell me what horrors await me!" I fumed. Edward squeezed my hand.

Alice spun around singing "We're going on a trip. A Girls Only Trip!" She glared at Edward as she emphasized the 'girls' part. "We are going for some much needed R&R. When we get back it will be so close to the wedding we'll have a million things to do." She turned to the boys who were looking a miffed "You guys stay here and hunt for a few days or whatever it is you guys do to pass the time. I want you all nice and strong because I have a huge list of things for you to do when we get back and I don't want anyone passing out on me. We have a wedding to throw!" Alice was absolutely beaming. We all sat in stunned silence.

"Where are we/you going?" Edward and I yelled at the same time.

"Why can't we come? That's not fair...we never get to do anything fun..." Emmett and Jasper whined.

"I have nothing packed. I can't go anywhere. What about Charlie? I can't go disappearing….." I was grasping at anything I could. I was not about to be dragged off by those two.

Rosalie whistled LOUDLY. We all froze. She smiled "Where we are going is a secret." Before Edward could get out his next comment she threw her hand over his mouth "She will be perfectly safe with us Edward. Would you like to Alice and I to prove our skills to you?" She then turned to Jasper and Emmett, "No- you cannot come. Are you girls? No- therefore unless you can suddenly grow breasts FORGET IT!" Finally she turned to me. "Bella, you don't need anything for this trip. Alice and I haven't even packed anything. "Emmett rolled his eyes "We will buy what we need when we get there. We didn't want to risk _Mr. Nosey_ seeing anything we packed in case it gave our surprise away. We will have our cell phones and Alice sees no trouble…" Alice giggled "OK let me rephrase it, no _danger_." A sinister smile crossed her face. "As for Charlie- he knows you are going away for the weekend with us. He knew all along, but Edward was so focused on trying to see our thoughts he didn't think to check what Charlie might know!" She was quite proud of her self and feeling certain she covered all the bases she released Edward's mouth.

He turned to me quickly "What would you like me to do? Tie them to a tree, trap them in a mine shaft, bury them alive…well, not alive exactly but you know what I mean... Emmett & Jasper will help if I need them." They were smiling at the mere thought of it.

I looked at Alice and she gave me her best puppy dog eyes and Rosalie gave me one of her dazzling smiles and before I knew it I was mumbling "OK let's get it over with." How could I turn them down? They obviously went through so much planning, and took such evasive measures to keep Edward out of their minds I figured it would hurt them too much if I said no. And if I was being honest with myself, I was just the tiniest bit curious what they could be planning.

Alice ran to tell Carlisle and Esme we were leaving. Rosalie went to grab a sweater and sunglasses even though it was getting dark outside. Emmett and Jasper were mumbling something about things "not being fair…."

I turned to Edward and he looked so sad. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to his room. He laid down on the couch and pulled me to his chest. "I'm not sure about this Bella. You know how much I hate to be away from you…..what if something happens?" His eyes were full of worry.

I smiled and kissed his neck. "Edward, they went to so much trouble. This must mean a lot to them and quite frankly I'm a bit touched they'd do all this for me. As for my safety, I will be in perfectly good hands and you know it. Who in their right mind would cross Alice or Rosalie? They'd rip their heads off….quite literally I might add" I couldn't help but smile.

"But I will miss you Bella. Won't you miss me in the slightest?" he turned the full power of his eyes on me as he said that. A fog began to cloud my head. He was trying to get me to stay with all his vampire charm.

"I'll miss you too Edward. Why don't I give you something to remember me by when I'm gone?" Now was my turn to dazzle him. I crawled up his body and put my hands on his face. My heart started racing as I pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back softly at first but then with great enthusiasm. My face got flushed and before I knew it he had scooped me up in his arms and I was lying on his bed. He was on top of me, his hand running down the side of my body. I gasped for air and he chuckled. I started to go for the buttons on his shirt when his door flew open.

"Time to go!" Alice and Rosalie screamed. Then they froze, seeing what they walked in on. Of course how Alice could be surprised I will never understand. She must have been concentrating really hard on her math problems to not see this one coming. "OOPS" was all I heard and then giggling.

"Do you mind?" Edward shouted at them. "I am trying to say goodbye to me fiancée before she is kidnapped by my deranged sisters to some unknown location for God knows what reason!" he sounded angry, but I thought I saw a flicker of a smile.

"There will be plenty of time for all that after the wedding you two! Bella we have things to do let's go!" Alice stomped her foot.

I looked at them, looked at Edward and threw my hands around his neck and pulled him back to me. I wasn't quite done yet. I took a deep breath and gave him one last, passionate kiss. I pried my hands from around his neck and whispered in his ear "I love you Edward."

"I love you too Bella. Do you really have to go? You could stay with me. I'm sure we could find something to do." A mischievous look was in his eye.

Rosalie made a gagging noise and I turned to him and said "Sorry, I have to go. But at least I you have something to remember me by…" I turned and threw him a kiss and a wink over my shoulder and walked out of his room.

"You two really should just get it over with already. I'm glad the wedding is soon. One of you may burst into flames soon!" Rosalie laughed.

Alice and Rosalie had said by to Jasper and Emmett already. They were sitting on the couch and they didn't look as sad as they were before. They had their head together and were whispering back and forth. Edward followed us downstairs and raised an eyebrow in their direction. Then he suddenly smiled at whatever they were thinking..

"You boys behave while we are gone. We'll be back on Sunday. Don't worry, and DON'T FOLLOW US! I will know if you try to and you won't like what happens to you. Got it…Edward??" Alice glared at him. She could be really scary when she wanted to.

"Can't I at least know where you're going? You know how I worry. I will just drive Emmett and Jasper insane. Something, anything?" Edward begged Alice. I could tell he was being sincere in his concern and so could she. A wicked smile came across her face.

"I'll give you a hint." As she said it she whispered something to Rosalie to low for me to hear and then she closed her eyes.

Edwards' eyes got really wide, like he was shocked which scared me. But then, he turned to me with a lustful looking in his eyes that completely took me off guard. His gaze was so intense I had to check and make sure my shirt was buttoned or that I had clothes on at all. And then suddenly he whipped around to face Alice. "Where is she going dressed like that!" he demanded.

Before I knew what happened, I felt Alice pulling me to Rosalie's BMW. Rosalie was behind the wheel car running ready to make a quick escape. Alice put me in the backseat, Rosalie threw the car in gear and we were flying down the road out of town. The last thing I saw as we pulled away was Edward standing on the porch, hands on his hips, fuming and Emmett and Jasper rolling in laughter.


	3. Vegas Baby

**Thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad you guys are liking it! Here's one more for now. Next chapter will be back at the Cullen's. The poor boys...all alone. I'll try and finish soon! Thanks!**

Vegas Baby

_I own nothing – Stephenie Meyer – sheer genius- owns it all._

We were flying down the road with Rosalie behind the wheel. If I thought Edward's driving was scary before, I would never complain again. I stopped looking when the speedometer hit 145mph. Alice and Rosalie were still giggling at our rapid exit from the Cullen house. I kept looking in the mirrors for Edward to come flying up behind us in the Volvo and drag us home. Alice noticed and just laughed "Bella, Edward isn't going to save you now and we have no intention of bringing you back until we have had our fun."

"How can you be so sure they aren't going to follow us? There are 4 cars sitting in the garage and even if they don't know where we're going I'm pretty sure they can 'hunt us down' if they want to." I assumed that was part of the reason Rosalie was driving so fast, to put as much distance between us and the boys as possible. But what would stop them from hopping in the cars...

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me "Bella, look down by your feet." On the floor was a small box. In it were a bunch of wires and pieces of plastic and metal.

"What are these?" I asked, but a smile crept across my face.

"Just a few parts from each of the cars at the house. No one knows cars like I do. I was very creative about what parts I took so the cars will start, but not move one inch out of that garage!" She burst into hysterical laughter with Alice. I began laughing too, because I could just imagine Edward, Jasper and Emmett throwing the keys in the car, starting it and then cursing loudly when it wouldn't leave the garage. They must be so angry. I couldn't help but laugh.

"So now that our escape is complete, can you tell me where we are going? Will I be blindfolded and led through the forest to an unknown location or what?" I was starting to get into our little adventure now.

Rosalie looked to see how many miles away were were before answering. I'm sure she wanted to make sure were were out of Edwards 'range' before she spoke the words. "We're going to Vegas Bella! Alice and I decided a bachelorette party was just the kind of fun you needed to have before you married Edward. Who knows, you might learn something useful this weekend!" She turned and gave me a wink.

My face was an unbelievable shade of bright pink. I began fanning myself from the heat radiating off my face. "A bachelorette party in Vegas? Are you kidding me? I think I feel sick." I slumped down in the backseat gasping for air.

"Oh Bella, relax. Everything will be fine. I told Edward no danger was in store. I promise we will return you in perfect condition to him. And hopefully you will have stopped blushing by the time we get back." Alice laughed in her sweetest of voices.

I couldn't believe it. I was in a car, going 145 miles and hour, with my two vampire sisters–in-law to be to Las Vegas for a bachelorette party. This was far worse than Bella Makeovers, shopping and skimpy bikinis all put together. Then I remembered something and sat up straight. "Alice, right before we left, you showed Edward something. Something about me, and what you had planned. He looked at me like a turkey at Thanksgiving. What was that all about?"

With the straightest of faces she said "I simply thought of you in one of the outfits we picked out for you to wear tomorrow night. It's really cute, and sexy, and short and blue because you know how Edward loves you in blue." Immediately an image flew into my mind of me in some bizarre blue tube top, four inch heels and miniskirt. Alice was right, I may not stop blushing in time for the wedding!

All I could think is "Edward is going to flip out" over and over in my head. I laid my head down on the cool leather of the backseat.

"We'll wake you when we get close Bella. Take a nap now, you'll need you energy. We have a really full weekend planned for you!" Rosalie beamed. The last thing I heard was her step on the gas.


	4. Boys will be Boys

Boys will be Boys

**I own nothing- Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all...**

**EPOV**

"I can't believe they just up and left us. And with 4 unusable cars! They are two of the most conniving women ever. I would be worried about which of their evil tricks they are teaching Bella this weekend if I were you Edward. Maybe that's where they went, off to 'Evil Wife Bootcamp' " Emmett mumbled. Steam was still coming out of his ears because his beloved Jeep was incapacitated in the garage.

"My future wife could never be mean to me. She is utterly to sweet and will always stay that way no matter what Alice and Rosalie try to do." There wasn't as much confidence in my voice as I would have liked, so I threw in a low growl to back up my point.

Poor Jasper looked like a lost puppy. Alice had pulled a number on him too. He didn't like to be away from her and he was struggling to get his emotions in check. Every so often a wave of abandonment would wash across me. Usually all it took was a dirty look to make him realize what he was doing.

I was racking my brain trying to figure out what to do. I thought about calling Alice's cell and demanding she bring Bella home, but I figured she'd just yell at me or hang up and say I was overreacting again. Besides, Bella said she wanted to go so I took a deep breath and tried to let it go. Bella would be back on Sunday. She was in no danger. She was safe... with my mentally unstable sisters. It wasn't working.

Carslile and Esma walked into the room and gazed down on three of the most pitiful vampires they'd ever seen. Esme smiled "Boys, can't you just find something to do until the girls get home? Entertain yourselves, please!" She rolled her eyes and us. Carslile just chuckled and mumbled "While the cats away……." and they walked out of the room hand in hand.

_"Those boys are a complete wastes without their better halves. What am I going ot do with them" Esme thought to herself._

"That's it!" Emmett boomed. He was off his feet and jumping on the couch. "With the girls gone let's on a 'Guys Weekend' and go do guy things oooohhhh we could have a bunch of fun!" He was excited now and a vast array of images started flying through his brain. I was starting to get dizzy so I tried to block his thoughts for a few minutes. His face curled up into a huge grin "I've got it! I know what we can do!!"

Just at that second, Jasper's phone rang. He held up a finger to Emmett to wait as he answered the phone. "Hello?" "Yes. Ok. Yes, I understand. I'll do what I can. Love you too, Bye" He placed the phone in his pocket and turned to Emmett "Whatever you just came up with forget it. Alice saw it and she said and I quote 'Under no circumstances am I to participate in what you have planned and if I do…..' well, let's just say - Edward will be getting more action than me for a while." He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Sorry Emmett."

"Are you crazy? Emmett boomed "You don't even know what I came up with. It could turn out to be the time of your life! All I want to do is something nice for Edward, that's it. I don't understand why Alice would object to some male bonding between brothers. This doesn't concern them. They left _US_. Edward would you like to have some fun?"

Puppy dog eyes flashed in my direction. They weren't nearly as cute as Bella's but I was irked at Alice and felt rebellious and somewhat abandoned so I asked "What do you want to do Emmett? I could go for some fun!"

A wave of panic hit me from Jasper's direction "You may want to hear his plan first Edward. Don't agree to anything…."

"Where do you want to go Emmett?" I asked. How bad could it be?

"A strip club." He said looking like the cat that swallowed the canary. If I could have fainted I would have. Instead, I stood staring at him dumbfounded. The phone rang again.

Without looking at it, Jasper said "Yes, I know. I'm trying. Well you made them mad Alice with the whole Bella-napping thing. I understand. OK Bye." Jasper wheeled around on Emmett "We are not going to any strip club Emmett. Alice will have my head if I don't stop you."

"Stop me? You can't stop me. Grow a pair Jasper. Alice is all of what 4 feet tall? Can't you control her? Don't let her push you around like that…." Before he could finish the sentence Emmett's phone rang. I couldn't help but laugh guessing full well who was on the other end.

"Answer it Mr. Tough guy…..come on…..you aren't _scared_ are you" Jasper taunted.

"Hello?" his voice went up an octave " Hi Rose. Yep. Nope. OK. Bye" He sheepishly hung up the phone. Jasper and I erupted in roars of laughter. I gasped for air and said "You should see your face Emmett! If I had a camera….."

"Come on Emmett. What did you tell me to do? Oh yeah, _grow a pair. Don't let her push you around like that…._" Jasper was enjoying himself. So rarely was Emmett speechless we had to take advantage.

"Afraid I will get more action than you for the next century?" If I could cry, tears would be streaming down my face. Emmett started turning a strange shade of purple.

He ran upsatirs and was back in seconds with three packed suitcases. Jasper was shaking his head, steam coming from his ears. "Emmett. I know you are trying to do something nice for me...and yourself...but mostly for me and I appreciate it. But do you really want to risk the wrath of Rosalie? We can do something else...let's go hunt. You'll feel better."

"The girls aren't the only ones who can be tricky. OK so she figured out what my plan was, I've changed my mind. We are going 'hunting' that is the only thought in my brain right now - keep your smart comments to yourself- and you two better wipe any other thoughts out of your as well. We will have fun 'hunting' in an exotic location...I just keep changing my mind to where that is. By the time Alice figures out what's up, our fun will be done and it will be too late. Are you with me??" He was looking very proud of himself at this moment. He was begging me with his eyes to say yes.

I knew if I agreed, Jasper would cave as well, however, we probably would feel terrified the entire time on our little adventure with Mr. Moody out of control. I thought about it for a moment. Bella never told me I couldn't do anything. I didn't get a phone call and threat like they did so maybe she wouldn't care if I had a boys weekend. And, she was obviously going somewhere interesting in that little outfit Alice showed me before they left. What the heck! "Ok Emmett...but nothing too crazy alright?"

Emmett was on the phone with a taxi service before I took a breath. Jasper fell onto the couch and panic filled the room. This would be a trip to remember!

**Hope you like it. Drop me a review please!! Someone pointed out a bunch of errors on this page so I tried to clean them up! Thanks for letting me know :)**


	5. Bright Lights

Bright Lights 

_Stephenie Meyer is the genius who came up with the wonderful characters. She owns everything. I bow at her mercy and greatness._

**BPOV**

I don't know what time started waking up, but it was still dark outside and Alice was screeching into her phone at Jasper threatening him with no physical contact for an eternity. She and Rosalie were talking quickly to one another so I had a hard time keeping up. "can you slow down for the human? What just happened? Why is Jasper cut off if he doesn't stop Emmett? Are they following us?" I quickly glanced over my shoulder expecting to see the Volvo tailing us at high speeds.

"It's nothing Bella, stupid Emmett and his stupid ideas. Honestly Rose, I don;t know what you see in him sometimes. I would strangle him in his sleep – if he ever slept- but you know what I mean!" Alice was mad and Rosalie was hot under the collar too.

"What are they doing back home?" I dared to ask. It didn't sound like they were in danger from anyone other than Alice and Rosalie so it couldn't be that bad.

"They want to take Edward out for their own 'boys weekend' all because they are mad we left them alone. They are being such babies." Alice huffed and crossed her arms.

"Well, I think they should have some fun too. What's the big deal?" I mean if I was off with my sisters for this fun weekend why couldn't Edward have fun with his brothers, right?

"Bella, you didn't see where Emmett was going to take them! Alice did Emmett change his mind?" Rosalie demanded. "Nope"Alice snapped.

"Give me the phone! I will KILL him." Alice just smiled a sweet smile and passed the phone to Rosalie. I covered my eyes because I could tell from the tone in her voice Emmett was in big trouble and she was ready to let him have it. What could possibly so bad. I never got the chance to ask because Rosalie screamed "Emmett Cullen. Are you and idiot? Do you have a death wish? If you go through with this you will never touch my body again. Not only that, I will take your Jeep apart so completely that it will fit into a cardboard box and you can spend the next century trying to put it back together!! Am I making myself clear?" And she hung the phone up without another word. A huge smile came across her face. "Well..." she said knowingly to Alice.

"Mission accomplished, I think. If Edward does what I think he may, we'll sick Bella on him. But for now we're good. Ooohh look at all the lights!" Off in the distance, there is was. Las Vegas in all it's glory.

Vegas was more amazing that I had imagined as we cruised the strip I took in all the sights and colors. People were everywhere even though it was well into the night. That's probably why Alice chose Vegas...all the night life. I was grinning from ear to ear when we sped up to a beautiful hotel. We arrived under the canopy of the valet and a bell man dressed to the nines quickly opened our doors for us. "Ladies welcome to the Bellagio. We have been waiting for you to arrive." He offered me his hand to help me out from the backseat of the car. "how many men should I call to carry the luggage this time Alice? Will eight be enough?"

"We traveled very light this time Sal!" Alice gave him a wink and turned to me "Bella, this is Sal, Sal this is our almost sister-in-law Bella." Sal bowed his head and gently kissed my hand.

"Very nice to finally meet you Miss Bella. I hope you have enjoy your weekend to the fullest" A big smile crossed his handsome face. I felt Alice grab my arm and pull me into the lobby.

Rosalie gave a wave to the desk and was greeted with "Hello Miss Rosalie" "Good to see you Alice" "Welcome Bella" from all the staff at the desk. To my surprise we didn't even stop at the desk, "Your usual room is ready." Sal said with a wave of his arm pointing us to the elevators. "Enjoy your stay."

"Let's go see our room!" And before the words had come out of my mouth, Alice and Rosalie had my hands in theirs and we were running to the elevators. "Thanks Sal! Oh, and send them up in 15 minutes OK??" Sal waved his hand and gave Alice a big thumbs up as we jumped into the elevator.

I couldn't believe it, I was actually feeling excited.. "What floor are we on Rosalie?" I asked ready to push the button. She just looked and smiled. I knew the answer, the top floor. The place where only the most expensive, luxurious rooms were located. My face got red, "You guys shouldn't be spending so much money..." my voice trailed off as I looked at the floor of the elevator.

"Bella, take a deep breath and relax. I am only going to say this once." Alice leaned over to me, and looked me dead in the face. "We _will_ be spending money on you this weekend. Lots and lots of money. We are also going to have fun, be silly and dress in some fabulous clothes which you will hate but I promise they will make you look drop dead gorgeous. Deal with it." Then she started smiling "And, if you are good, I'll tell you what outfit I gave Edward a sneak peek of before we left so you can wear it for him sometime and watch his eyes roll out of his head again!" She and Rosalie started laughing at the memory of Edward's mouth wide open.

We found our room if you could call it that, it was more of a luxury ranch home 20 stories above the Vegas strip. There was marble on every surface of the room. Gold leaf on every piece of trim. The bathroom was it's own spa with a full length mirror, tub/jacuzzi, shower, steam room, and vanity. There were three of the fluffiest robes I ever felt hanging on the wall and slippers. I walked through the suite with my mouth open trying not to even guess how much it cost.

Before I knew it there was a knock at the door. "Come in." Rosalie's musical voice carried through the room.

Three people walked into the room. The first was a tall man with blond hair who I guessed by his clothes was the chef. The second was a shorter woman with long curly brown hair. She had a huge rack of clothing behind her with shoes, bags and every accessory one could imagine. I thought Alice was going to feint. The third was a very well dressed gentleman who introduced himself to us. "Ladies my name is Anthony and I am here to help make your stay with us something to remember. Your wish is my command."

"Ladies, my name is Giuseppe and I am your personal chef for your stay. Miss Bella I was told you were famished so I wanted to see what I could make for you?" His accent was very thick and he waited for my response.

"Oh I don't know. It's pretty late isn't it?" I was taken completely off guard but his question. "What do you have at this hour?" I was too shocked to answer coherently. "Do you have a menu?"

"No, there is no _menu_ for you Miss Bella." He looked slightly insulted "You ask for it and I will make it. What are you in the mood for, breakfast, lunch, dinner... or dessert? You name it and my chefs will get it up here immediately." Alice and Rosalie snickered.

"Surprise me." Those were the only words that came out of my mouth but it apparently made Giuseppe happy. He bowed to me, turned on his heel and walked out the door. I can't even imagine the kind of spread that was heading our way shortly. I may have to force feed some of it to Rosalie and Alice for putting me through this!

Alice walked over to Anthony and whispered something in his ear for a few moments. She was definitely using all her vampire charms on him and it seemed to be working. He kept nodding his head yes. Then he too left the room, obviously on a mission from Alice.

Alice and Rosalie looked like they would burst as they squealed "Hello Francesca!! OOOOHHH what have you brought us to try on!" They ran at the rack of clothes full force and were holding things up and jumping up and down. I tried to sneak out of the room while they were distracted to avoid any attempts of 'dress up' that may sneak into their brains. Alice of course saw my plan and screamed "Freeze right there Bella Swan almost Cullen. Francesca, grab her and let's get started we have a big day ahead of us. Bella, unless you want me to let Rosalie pick all you clothes by herself you better get you butt over here and join in the fun."

Knowing I was beat, I smiled at Francesca and went to face my fears. The clothes were gorgeous. There was a whole section of blue that I instinctively knew was just for me. Alice and Rosalie looked like two kids in a candy store as they tried on different items, each more fabulous than the next. "Now I know why you two left so calmly without packing! You will have a whole new wardrobe after this weekend." A big smile crept across my face. As long as I didn't look at the price tags, I was actually having fun. Fun with Alice and Rosalie, my sisters, my family.

"Rosalie!" Alice screamed. "I am going to kill your husband soon..."

**Ok that's it for now. I'll see how busy the weekend gets. Thanks to all you have sent a review. I appreciate you taking the time.**


	6. Decisions, Decisions

**Decisions, Decisions**

_**All Hail -Stephenie Meyer- the owner and genius behind Edward and Bella and company. She owns everything….**_

**EPOV**

Emmett and I were crammed into the back seat of the taxi like sardines. We could have walked, at human speed, faster than this guy was driving. In the front seat, Jasper was rambling on and on about football players to the driver. He was completely panicked he was going to blow our whole secret mission to Alice and live celibate for all eternity. His diarrhea of the mouth was getting old, but not as old as the completely constipated look on Emmett's face. He was trying to keep Alice on her toes by changing his mind every few minutes so she couldn't _see _where we were going. For most people, this wouldn't be difficult. But it was so hard for him that his face was completely scrunched up and he actually began mumbling his thoughts out loud to help make them sink in. "Deep sea fishing, Water aerobics, San Francisco trolley rides….."

I figured we had another hour before one of two things happened. Either, one of them was going to completely snap and have a mental breakdown from all of this OR it would become too much and they would give up and tell Alice everything she needed. Either way, the phone would ring and the fun would end. My bet was easy, Jasper- total mental breakdown -in about 30 minutes.

As we entered Port Angeles, Emmett began waving his hands wildly pointing at an Enterprise Rental Car location. "I think he wants you to pull in there. That or he is trying to fly, I'm not sure." The poor driver thought Emmet was mentally unstable and that Jasper has some sort of panic disorder but he kindly slowed the car and let us out.

I jumped out of the car and grabbed our bags from the trunk. As the taxi pulled away I asked Emmett "Should we rent a car so we can get to wherever we're going before Christmas? Stop rolling your eyes Emmett, all Alice will know is where we are and that we're renting a car. So what?" That seemed to calm him down.

"Yes- Edward, let's -rent -a -car and -go -for a ride" He sounded like a robot as he thought about each word before it cam out of his mouth and then gave a big wink as he finished, like somehow Alice wouldn't see that.

Ten minutes later I returned to them with a set of keys in my hand. "Note to self - rental places have slim pickings when it comes to our kind of cars Emmett. Lucky for you there was a girl behind the counter I could charm into letting us use this…." I pointed to a beautiful black mustang convertible with tinted windows. Jasper let out a low whistle as Emmett ran to the car.

"Let's go on our joy ride guys. We need to get a move on so we can get there by…." Emmett froze in place and clasped his hand over his mouth and then moved it to his forehead. He started him mumbling again "Let's buy a puppy, water skiing, snow skiing…." He was getting desperate. Jasper now resorted to humming show tunes to keep his mind occupied. Since neither of them was in any condition to drive, I jumped behind the wheel and stepped on the gas. The car was really, really fast. Every so often, Emmet would flap his big hand around indicating I should turn or change lanes. I drove for hours as feelings of paranoia and panic flooded my system thanks to Mr. Moody in the backseat. I was glad the car had the tinted windows. It was getting light out and for now there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

"Emmett, are you having fun yet?" I smirked. He flashed me a thumbs up. "Is your brain going to explode?" He flashed a different finger that time. "Manners Emmett. Isn't this little trip for me? To do something nice for your brother not make rude hand gestures at him. Just remember I could focus on one little thing…."

"Edward you wouldn't! I am doing everything I can to keep from blowing this whole adventure. Poor Jasper is on the verge of a total mental collapse and you are trying to distract me! OOOHHH get off here. NOW" Emmett's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. As he looked out the window, a wave of panic hit. He covered his mouth and then his face. The phone rang and Jasper screamed.

"We're dead. They'll kill us. I'm closing my eyes so I don't know where we are so if the whole thing got blown I didn't do it. You better come up with a good excuse Emmett. You talk to her I can't!" And with that he collapsed onto the floor of the backseat.

**Poor Jasper. A basketcase for sure. Thanks for all the reviews everyone. I really appreciate all of them!!**


	7. Twenties or Fifties?

**Twenties or Fifties?**

_Stephenie Meyer in all her genius owns everything. I own nothing..._

**BPOV**

"What did he do now Alice?" Rosalie had her hands on her hips and was ready to pounce.

"Well I saw him call a taxi a while ago, but now I saw them in Port Angeles and Edward charmed some poor girl at a car rental place to give them a mustang for the weekend. Unlimited miles. Emmet keeps deciding to 'go for a joy ride' which means that isn't what they are really doing. Does he really think I'm that dumb? Jasper may have shorted out a few brain cells because his thoughts are all over the map too. Now I'm sure they are up to something." Alice continued to focus on what decision they were making but got nothing.

So Edward was charming rental car clerks was he? "Alice, has Edward made any decisions lately?" I can't imagine he got himself all worked up and paranoid like the other two. Maybe he would give her a clue.

"He's making decisions, but the only one I can repeat was the decision to charm the girl and drive the mustang. The rest I don't want to think about. For the last hour, they had to do with you, and your honeymoon and what you'll be _doing_...so I'm staying out of there for a while. He is a sneaky one that Edward. Watch your back Bella." My face went crimson and I wanted to crawl under the chair and die.

"Enough worrying about the boys." Rosalie said without a bit of worry in her voice. "If they are stupid enough to disobey us, then they will see the true meaning of the phrase 'Hell hath no fury…' Besides, one of them will slip up, it's only a matter of time. I love Emmett but his mental power is not that strong and Jasper cracks under pressure like a piece of china so we'll just wait it out." She found a beautiful red v-neck blouse and white capris that she took off the rack and went to change into. "Let's get dressed and see what kind of trouble we can get into downstairs"

Alice grinned and threw me a zebra print mini skirt and black tank top with lots of rhinestones on it. I rolled my eyes, but then she pulled the "Please Bella…" in her icky sweet voice and I as always way a pushover and put it on. She came out in a beautiful purple sun dress and strappy sandals.

"What are going to do downstairs Rosalie?" I knew her answer before she said it.

"We're going to gamble of course!" And she started searching for the perfect purse.

"But I'm only 18 guys. I can't gamble, or drink for that matter. With my luck I'll end up in a dirty, Vegas jail and Charlie will have to bail me out!" What a bummer. I hadn't thought about the whole age thing before we came. Oh well, I could watch them gamble and have fun.

Alice dug in her purse. "Bella, Bella. What kind of sisters do you take us for? Do you think we would bring you here and not have all the bases covered." She handed me a small white card and smiled.

I turned it over and it was my drivers license, well it looked exactly like mine, same dorky picture but the birth date was changed to make me 21 and my last name was Cullen. Technically, it said Isabella Swan Cullen. I got a little teary eyed as I looked at it. I turned to Alice and said "Where did you get this?"

"Consider it an early wedding present from me and Jasper. He is the expert in forgery of the family. It was for after you are changed and we move, but I stole it so you could have some fun." She was quite proud of herself and of Jasper's handiwork.

Rosalie pulled out a huge wad of cash and waved it around her head "Let's go, the craps tables are calling my name! Mama needs a new pair of shoes." She opened the door and was hurrying us out to the elevator. I threw my new ID in my purse, looked at Rosalie and said "What's craps?" She just shook her head handed me a wad of cash of my own and shoved me into the elevator.

I was still nervous about my 'fake ID' when we went to the floor. Rosalie told me to relax and have fun so I did. Gambling with a psychic was a lot of fun and I'm sure highly illegal. I spent some time with Rosalie playing craps. She was shouting things like "Yo eleven, Horn High Yo and Come on Boxcars!" Not much of it made sense. I tried to roll the dice once, however all I managed to do was throw the dice so hard they ricocheted off of the table and hit a nice man playing Blackjack in the forehead. That pretty much ended my future in the game of craps.

Alice and I spent the rest of the time playing roulette which was a lot of fun. I sat at this little table with numbers 1-36 printed on a it. All I had to do was put my chips on the numbers I liked and I was done. I spent the morning betting 13 & 20 over and over. Alice would nudge me when they were going to hit which ruined the suspense for me, but it was still fun. I would get a big pile of blue chips if my number hit. The best part of it was, as you sat a the table, a very nice lady would bring you drinks and Alice was kind enough to order me a cranberry juice every time she came over to us. Of course, after my third one, I found out there wasn't only cranberry juice in them, there was Vodka too. Alice had left that part out. After the number 20 hit again and I started doing a little dance at the table, Alice decided it was time for me to cash out. The nice gentleman asked if I would like my money in black chips. I said "Sure that way they will match my outfit." The alcohol had hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed food, but first we had to go to the cashier. We grabbed Rosalie from her craps table and headed that way.

As I handed the woman my pile of black chips she asked "How would you like this?" Having a good buzz I said "In money, please." Alice laughed, but the woman glared. She wasn't in a very good mood today. Perhaps Alice should send her one of those special cranberry juices and then she'd be happier. Before I knew it, a huge pile of twenties was in front of me. "How much is there?" I asked with my mouth hanging open. "$2310... would you like me to count it again?" "No, er thanks" What in the world was I going to do with a purse full of twenties?

Then was Rosalie's turn to cash out. "How would _you_ like your money Miss? Twenties for you also?" the cashier asked sarcastically. "Hmmm, Alice what do you think? We can use the money for later tonight so..." Alice thought about it and said "OOHH OOHH get $50's that should make quite a scene!!" And she started giggling uncontrollably. Rosalie turned back to the cashier "You heard her, I'll take my winnings in $50's." I stood there confused my the conversation that just took place but forgot all about it once I saw how big the pile of $50's was growing. "$4675 Miss. Have a nice day." She grabbed her winnings and crammed them into her tiny purse and said "We need to get Bella some food before she drops!"

They led me to a cafe where I got a sandwich and a Coke. I was almost done with my food when Alice got a peculiar look on her face. "What's up Alice?" I asked with a mouth full of sandwich. "Is it the boys?" Alice whispered something fast and low o Rosalie and she nodded. All I caught was "We probably have two hours before we have to watch out. They are on the highway right now."

"Hello...human sitting right here. Anyone care to translate?" I wanted to know where the boys were and what they were doing. Suddenly, I missed Edward a lot and wanted to talk to him. And the vodka gave me a few interesting ideas of what I wanted to say to him as well. I started to blush just thinking about it.

Rosalie turned to Alice "That might not be a bad idea Alice. If she distracts him enough, he may let something slip. The other two are worthless at this point, but Bella might crack Edward. Then we'll know more specifically how long we have..."

Alice whipped out her phone but before she handed it to me she told me the rules. "Now Bella, you've been drinking so technically this is what is know as 'drunk dialing' which is never a smart thing to do however we will make an exception for you. But, you must promise us you will not tell Edward where we are or what we are doing, OK?" I shook my head yes. "We also need you to see if you can get Edward to give some clue where they are or what they are up to. If he won't budge, get creative, distract him and hopefully something will slip. Understand?"

I gave her then thumbs up and she dialed Jasper's cell phone. It rang a few times and then I heard a voice, not Edward's, whining desperately "We aren't doing anything Rosalie! I swear. We are just out for a drive, looking for something fun to do. Don't you trust me? We are grown men and can't we just have some fun. What harm is there in that? Please don't kill me...I love you Rose. Rose?" I assumed the shrieking voice was Emmett, boy, he sounded terrible. "Emmett, is that you?"

"Bella, oh thank God, I thought you were Rosalie. Um - never mind - here's Edward..." and I heard the phone hit something and then clunk around for a minute. Edward called Emmet a moron and asked why he was throwing the phone at him.

"Hello?" It was my angel. "Bella, is that you? What's wrong?" Now he was getting panicked.

"Hi Eddie. Nothing is wrong, how are you?" I don't know why I called him Eddie, but from Alice and Rosalie's reaction he probably wasn't going to like that. They were doubled over with laughter.

"Bella, did you just call me Eddie? Why on Earth did you do that?" To me, the answer was obvious...

"Vodka" I said. He paused for a very long time. In the background I thought I heard someone humming show tunes.

"You've been drinking Bella? Are Alice and Rosalie with you?" He was trying to control his temper but he wasn't fooling me.

"Alice just gave me a few cranberry juices Eddie. Oh yeah, they had Vodka in them too I almost forgot." I winked at the girls. I was getting to him, but I really was glad to hear his voice even if it did have that 'I'm going to strangle someone' tone to it.

"So let me get this straight, my sisters have you, DRUNK, in an undisclosed location, doing God knows what! Is that right?" He was mad now, I held the phone out so Alice and Rosalie could hear him yelling.

"Yep. That about sums my day up Eddie. Now, what are you doing?" I could just imagine his face right now so I imitated him putting his fingers on the bridge of his nose trying to calm down for Alice and Rosalie. Rosalie fell off of her chair laughing.

"Bella tell me where you are." He was very calm.

"No can do Eddie-poo. Where are you?" I asked again.

"I'm driving around with my moronic brothers supposedly on our way to have fun. Jasper will you quit freaking out!" "Shut up and drive _Eddie..._" I heard Emmett yell. Then there was a big SMACK. Alice started clapping, she was starting to see something so I pressed on.

"Eddie?" I asked in my sweetest voice.

"Yes Bella" he answered a bit shortly. Still mad about the name I'm sure, but tough, it was working.

"What are you wearing?" I had to cover the phone so he didn't hear me laugh.

"Bella, what are you talking about now? Have you completely lost your mind? What does it matter what I am wearing?" Hearing this, Emmett roared with laughter in the background.

"I just wanted to imagine how _sexy_ you looked right now." Alice made a gagging sound.

"Bella, I'm coming to get you, NOW. Where are you?" He demanded. Poor Edward. He didn't stand a chance.

Somehow, I knew exactly the right thing to say to completely distract him. "I'm perfectly safe Eddie, don't worry about me. Hey, do you know what I am wearing right now Eddie? Do you?" I waited just a second and before he had a chance to say anything, I went in for the kill "Remember that little number Alice showed you before we left..." There was silence on the phone and then I heard a lot of things at once. I heard brakes squealing, Edward cursing, and Jasper's screams of terror. "We're going to DIE! Oh my God we're going to Die!!!" Then Emmett yelled "Edward look out! We need to take that exit or we'll miss the I-15 south." Bingo!

Alice jumped from her seat dancing. "We got them, we got them! Great job Bella!"

"Eddie, are you alright? Eddie?" I knew they didn't crash because Alice would have seen it and I could hear the engine racing and Jasper sobbing somewhere "Thank you, thank you, thank you" apparently celebrating the fact that he was still in one piece.

"Yes, we're fine. I have to go Bella. It's time to kill Jasper or Emmett now. I haven't decided who will die first yet. Tell Alice and Rosalie I'll call them and let them know where I buried their husbands. I know they put you up to this call to figure out where we were. Based on Alice's reaction in the background I assume she got what she wanted, am I right?"

"Yes..." Now he was making me feel bad for almost causing an accident.

"Well, fine. I love you and please be safe wherever they have taken you. OK?" He sounded very sincere.

"OK Eddie. I will. And you boys behave...and have fun in Vegas - OK?" And I quickly hung up the phone. Waves of laughter washed over me. Alice and Rosalie had their heads together. Planning our next move.

**Sorry it's so long, I rewrote it a bunch and cut and pasted the best stuff together. Next chapter will be back to the boys. I think Edward will be willing to throw caution to the wind now that Bella has crossed him. ****Thanks for the reviews. Let me know what you think!**


	8. Are we Men?

**Are We Men?**

_I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns all of the brilliant characters! All hail Stephenie Meyers..._

**EPOV**

In the distance I could see the hotels and casinos of Las Vegas shining brightly in the sun. The tinted windows protected us from the glare. I stopped the car on the side of the road to try and figure out what to do next.

Alice and Rosalie knew exactly where we were. I was sure of it. Their plan worked perfectly once I was adequately _distracted._ The question was what to do from here. I looked at my brothers; Jasper had finally uncovered his eyes for the first time in hours and was squinting at the light outside. A look of shock was on his face and he looked to me for encouragement. I gave him a brief smile and turned to Emmett.

"What did she say? Tell me everything. I can take it...how bad is it? Should I just join the priesthood now or is there a chance she'll for give me. I've gotta know Edward...tell me" That's when I slapped him.

I calmly turned around to face Jasper and said "If you don't get control of your emotions, you are next Jasper. You have infused my system with so much paranoia, fear, and guilt for the past few hours that I may need medication after this so SNAP OUT OF IT!" Part of me felt bad for yelling at Jasper, he could be so delicate sometimes, but enough was enough.

"Bella wouldn't tell me where they were, she was obviously prepped by the princesses of darkness, so I doubt they are currently on their way to kill us, so why don't we take a few minutes and consider our options please? Calmly and rationally, like MEN. Can you both do that?" They nodded their heads. Jasper began taking a series of cleansing breaths, of course I don't know what good they would do for a vampire, but whatever works for him at this point.

Emmett began "OK option 1 is..." Quickly Jasper interrupted "I'll tell you what option A is it and it is the only option...We go home. We sit on the couch for the next 36 hours until the girls get home and throw ourselves at their feet and beg forgiveness when they walk in the door. That is Option A the end."

I had to hold in a chuckle because he was dead serious. He would be hard to budge.

Then Emmett spoke "Fine Jasper, that is option A. I however, will offer Option B. Option B is we find something else to do, something fun but not as fun as what I had planned, then the girls can't get mad and we still get to salvage the weekend. We still look like chumps, though but not as much as in Mr. Chicken's Option A." He tried to fake enthusiasm for his plan, but I could tell he was disappointed. He really wanted an adventure which can be tough to find when you're and immortal with superhuman strength.

Our only real adventures involve pulling something over on one another and facing the music when we get caught. I knew what option C was and I had to be the one to suggest it or we would end up on some horrible Dude Ranch riding horses and panning for gold...

The more I thought about Option C, the more I liked it. Emmett would love it, but would he be man enough? That was the question. Jasper was a definite no, but I was sure I could break him down. Bella was after all, on a girls weekend, drinking, shopping and laughing at an unknown location wearing outfits I had never imagined her in, but somehow couldn't stop picturing her in after Alice's little preview, but that was besides the point. She never told me I couldn't have fun. She actually said "Have fun in Vegas" before she hung up. I knew it was a technicality and she was drunk, but I had made my decision.

"Option C – We throw caution to the wind and go have a great time in Vegas. The girls are having their fun, so why shouldn't we have ours? I think a bachelor party was your original plan right Emmett? I say we go for it. Knowing the girls, they took Bella to Europe and they are shopping their way through the continent. Even if they jumped on the next flight, we have all night before they could possibly reach us here in Vegas. There will be plenty of time for begging and groveling later." I felt like I was rallying my troops into battle, and trying convincing myself as well. "What do you say guys?"

They both sat there for a few minutes weighing the options in their heads. I had the advantage of still being able to dazzle Bella, so I was confident that even if she was completely furious as me, I would be able to use my vampire skills to get her forgiveness. Emmett and Jasper didn't have that in their favor. They would have to rely on their own irresistible characteristics to win back their wives. Emmett would be fine once her realized there was no way Rosalie would be able to keep her hands off him for any length of time no matter how mad she was at him. I knew how hard she had to fight in her mind to stay mad at him and go through with her threats. Jasper's charm was that he needed Alice so completely and she knew that. Like now, Jasper was disintegrating into a pool of goo right before our eyes at the thought of going against Alice. If she saw him like that, which I'm sure she was right now, she wouldn't be able to stay mad at him. Emmett took a deep breath and a giant grin appeared on his face.

"Bachelor Party, Bachelor Party, Bachelor Party!" He began his chant slow and quiet and grew louder and louder each time. Jasper threw his hands to his ears and started shaking his head no faster and faster and Emmett grew louder and louder. I raised my hand up for Emmett to stop his chant and looked at Jasper. I had to reason with him.

"Jasper, just listen. It will be a bit of stupid fun with just the three of us. I trusted Alice and Rosalie enough to let them whisk Bella off to wherever they are and have their Girls Weekend without a major scene right?" He nodded in agreement. "You also know nothing would have stopped me if I didn't want Bella to go, not her disabled car trick or the threats right? But i agreed because I knew they would keep her safe. As long as we don't ruin their weekend, they really have no reason to be mad at us. I'll tell you what. I will take the blame, I will even call Alice and tel her this is my choice and I am Jasper napping you just like she did to Bella OK? What do think of that idea?"

Jasper sat there for a while with a great internal struggle going on in him. He finally made up him mind and all he said was "I am with you." and then began hyperventilating quietly.

"Edward you are a genius! When you take the blame for us the girls will want to kill you more than us. What a good bother you are. I'm sorry for all the rotten pranks I've even pulled on you." Emmett was so joyful at the thought of me throwing myself under the bus for him that I hated to burst his bubble but I had to.

"I said I'd take the blame for Jasper, however you are on your own with Rose, Emmett. I need some way to make sure this whole plan of yours doesn't get too out of hand. That will be my insurance policy. IF you can control yourself, then when we face the girls I will back you up. Go overboard and you're on your own. Got it?" I thought it was a brilliant plan and Emmett realized I had him.

"Fine, I keep the evenings events to an R rating and we're good. If I cross the line to MA or XXX you throw me to the wolves. Fare enough. Let's get moving, there's so much I want to do!!" Emmett could hardly contain himself and the look of happiness was so much better than that squinty snarl I had looked at for the past few hours.

"Before I go anywhere" Jasper said quietly, "Edward, I believe you have a phone call to make?" He raised his eyebrows at me, almost daring me to make the call. He was sure Alice would find some way to snuff out or fun.

Right on cue the phone rang. Stupid psychic vampire sister. "Hello Alice. Very funny. Having fun corrupting my fiancée?" I said as I rolled my eyes. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the argument. "I take it you know the plan? Yes, I have seen everything Emmett has planned in his head. Alice we are grown men, I think we can handle it. I'll be sure to watch out for that, thanks for the warning." Jasper asked me a question in his head _"Is she mad?"_ I shook my head no. "Tell Bella I love her and keep her away from the Vodka please." And with that I hung up the phone.

"That was easy! You have the magic touch Edward. Rosalie would have punched me through the phone, but you were smooth with Alice. I knew they'd listen to reason. Way to go!" Emmett was happy, and a small smile crept across Jasper's face.

"So Alice wasn't mad? She seemed to take it very well. I guess they can be reasonable when they wanted to. So Emmett fill me in on the plan." Mild waves of fear hit me as I started the car. Emmett was telling him what our final destination of the night would be. Alice had warned me to watch Jasper at one stop in particular where she saw him having an episode.

It was nice to see how happy they both were are we approached Las Vegas. I was excited too, mainly to see Emmett make a fool of himself which I didn't need Alice's power to know it would happen, and to watch what happens when Jasper tries to let loose. But in the back of my mind I couldn't help but think something was up with the girls. That was easy, way too easy. there was no way I was going to let Jasper and Emmett in on that fact so I just smiled and stepped on the gas. "Where to Emmett. Lead the way!"

**_Thanks for all the reviews and reactions. You're cracking me up! I'm so glad you are enjoying the story and laughing out loud. Keep reviewing! _****_Thanks again_**


	9. Let the games Begin!

**Let the games begin**

_**I own nothing Stephenie Meyer owns it all!**_

**BPOV**

I was feeling quite proud of myself for tricking Edward and getting information for Alice and Rosalie. They were staring to rub off on me, and in what I considered, a good way. If I was going to be immortal and live with the Cullens for all eternity I really needed to hone my skills of deception and these two women were the masters. They could teach me so many things...

Alice and Rosalie had their heads together talking at vampire speed for a few minutes and then Alice turned to me with a smile. "Let's go up to the room Bella. We have had a slight change in plans and we need to work out the details." Before I knew it she grabbed my arm and we headed for the elevator.

When we got up to the room, there was a light snack for me and a huge pitcher of Coke. Alice poured me a big glass and told me to drink it. "We don't want the Vodka to make you sleepy, so we are going to pump you full of sugar and caffeine. That should perk you up nicely."

"Alice, what is going on with the boys? What did you see? They are coming to Vegas aren't they. Does Edward know where we are? What are we going to do?" Alice smiled at the suspicious tone in my voice. I could suddenly feel a game of cat and mouse between us and the boys was about to begin.

I think Alice was trying to see if I was up for the challenge. "One minute Bella, I need to make an important call." Then she grabbed her phone "Anthony, it's Alice. I need your help with something. We have had a change in plans and I need some help. We need to go to the earlier show. Can you make all the arrangements. I want everything the same, just at the earlier show OK? Yes, I think we are going to drop in on a few _friends_ later who have arrived in town unexpectedly. Yes, send the boxes up at once that would be perfect. Ciao Anthony!" And she clicked the phone shut and turned to me.

"Bella, they boys are coming to Vegas. Rosalie and I aren't trying to keep secrets, we just want you to enjoy the rest of our weekend and I don't want you stressing about our dim-witted spouses or fiancées in your case. I promise I will not let the boys ruin our fun. But for now, we will fill you in on a need to know basis if that is OK. We will always be one step ahead of them, which you think they would have figured out by now after how many years, but they are boys after all and I'm sorry but they are so dense. They also have a lot of testosterone flowing in that mustang right now and they actually think they are going to pull something over on us. They need to learn a lesson. All you need to know now is you did a great job with Edward. They are headed to Vegas and Emmett is picking the hotel so of course we know where they will be staying..." She rolled her eyes at Rosalie "Treasure Island" they said in unison.

"That boys and that damn pirate fetish he has...something is not right with him." Rosalie muttered under her breath.

"Anyway, Operation Ball Crusher begins... now" She calmly reached for her phone and dialed. She put it on speaker phone so I could hear, but put her finger to her lips for us to remain quiet. I knew this was going to be good. Just like chess matches in the Cullen house, this would be an epic battle. There would be moves and counter moves to make any field general proud and I was thrilled to be a part of it. And, having been around the Cullens enough, I knew I was on the winning side when it can to brainpower. I sat quietly and listened.

_"Hello Alice." _"Hello... Eddie" Alice emphasized the Eddie in her sickly sweetest voice._ "Very funny. Having fun corrupting my fiancée?_" "You know she is perfectly fine Edward. Who knew just a few Vodka and Cranberries and she'd do anything I asked. If anything, you should be thanking me for this bit of information about her weaknesses. Consider it an early wedding present from us." She threw me a wink._ "I take it you know the plan?_" "Yes, I've seen it, but have you seen EVERYTHING he is thinking?" "_Yes, I have seen everything Emmett has planned in his head._" "You've seen his grand finale, right? Are you sure you want to go through with it? It's could get quite uncomfortable." "_Alice we are grown men, I think we can handle it._" "Fine, but just a warning, when you hear the song 'Girls, Girls, Girls' playing, Jasper is going to be curled up into the fetal position and you had better find him and take care of him or I will kill you and Emmett got it?" Alice wasn't angry, but if I were Edward I would be keeping a close eye on Jasper. "_I'll be sure to watch out for that, thanks for the warning."_ "He's very sweet Edward. Too sweet to be hanging out with you two maniacs!" "_Tell Bella I love her and keep her away from the Vodka please." _Then Alice hung up. She had kept her cool and seemed quite pleased with how the call went.

"Are they going though with it?" Rosalie asked. She was bringing out a number of different outfits for me to try on. I saw another round of Bella Beautification coming on.

"Yes, they are going through with it and will be at Treasure Island in a half hour. Anthony is working on that thing for me, so I say we get Bella dolled up and head down to the shops and pick out something perfect for us to wear tonight. That way, if Edward does get close enough to see something it still won't tell him where we are. God knows I can shop anywhere on the planet."

The thrill of the game had take over all of us. I didn't even complain when they began putting my hair in the hot rollers and making me try on outfit after outfit just to go shopping. They spent the time telling me stories of all the things they had done to each other over the years. All the crazy dares they made each other do, who cheated at what games and other important information I needed to know to defend myself in future family gatherings.

There was a quick knock on the door and Anthony was there with three boxes. He placed them on the table and quietly gave Alice an envelope and whispered something to her. Whatever he said pleased her because she was throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him. "You're the BEST Anthony. Thank you!" Anthony bowed and headed out the door.

"Bella, Rosalie and I wanted to get you a couple presents for you for your honeymoon. Now, I know you're not always comfortable with this kind of thing, oh Bella stop blushing for goodness sake and breathe! You haven't even seen it. It's just lingerie..." My face had turned it's usual shade of hot pink. I really had to stop doing this or I would probably pass out on my wedding night and miss all the good stuff.

I took a deep breath and waited for my face to turn back to it's usual shade of pale white. Alice handed me the first present. Slowly I opened the lid, reminding myself to breath the whole time. Inside was a beautiful, pale blue night gown. It was knee length, with a small bit of lace across the bodice and thin delicate straps of lace at the shoulders. It was beautiful. My eyes welled up with tears because I knew this was for me, they made a point of finding something I would feel beautiful in, and be comfortable in. It was perfect. "That you so much guys. It is perfect, just what I wanted."

Rosalie handed me the next box "We figured this could be your something blue for the wedding if you liked it."

The box she handed me was the smallest of the three. Inside was a beautiful blue, lace garter. "Esme made it herself. She made one for me when I married Emmett and one for Alice when she married Jasper." Once I heard that, the tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks. It meant to much for me to be a part of this family, to belong. I hugged both of them and all I could get out was a quiet "Thank you." I would have to remember to thank Esme when I got home.

They waited a few minutes for me to compose myself before giving me the third box. As Rosalie handed it to me, I could tell she was trying very hard to keep a straight face. "I take it you're done with the nice gifts. Is this the one to make me die of embarrassment?" I asked with most serious face.

"Just open it Bella" Alice giggled. "Open it!"

I opened the box and saw something black, and lacy with garters and ribbon. I lifted it out of the box and my mouth fell open. In my hands was a black lace corset with garter belts. There was a lace ruffle across the chest, on the shoulder straps, and around the bottom of the corset. There were sequins and ribbons covering the bodice. And still in the box, and no bigger than a deck of cards were the panties that were apparently going to cover my rear end. The ensemble was finished off with a pair of black fishnets. "Umm...thanks?"

Alice and Rosalie were laughing hysterically "Your face is priceless! You have never been a deeper shade of red in all the time we've known you. Oh. Bella that was too easy! Listen, we aren't doing this to embarrass you, even though that is one of the bonuses. Consider it a public service, we are trying to make you lighten up, and laugh about it, not hyperventilate. We want you to feel confident and beautiful. It won't be much of a honeymoon if you spend it hiding in the bathroom. And just think of the look on Edward's face!"

It was funny, funny and silly just like I wanted this weekend to be. "I may need some sort of advanced engineering degree to figure out how this whole thing works you two. Couldn't you have picked something of the 'lingerie for dummies' rack at Fredrick's of Hollywood? I am a novice unlike the two of you!"

"Come here and we will show you how it works, but we have to do it quickly, Edward is getting close and if he sees this, that wouldn't be good!" Rosalie grabbed the outfit and threw me into the bedroom. I could tell she had the most experience with these things because I was out of my clothes and into the corset in record time. I was glad she helped me because on my first attempt, I put it on upside down. Rose just shook her head at me. "Edward has his hands full with you Bella!"

Alice was laughing because I know at one point, it looked like Rosalie and I were wrestling, perhaps over the tiny piece of lace and ribbons and she had me in some sort of half nelson trying to secure a clasp in the back, but finally, I emerged with the garment on. Rosalie gave a victorious cheer and Alice whistled at me. "Bella, you look HOT!"

I turned around at looked in the mirror. I wasn't quite sure who was looking back. She was pretty, really pretty and Alice was right, she looked hot. A smile played across my face and I realized I wasn't blushing. I was glad they did this for me, they helped me get over my whole lingerie phobia and look at myself in a whole different way. Hopefully now, on my wedding night, I can just enjoy myself and not break into a cold sweat at the thought of it.

I hugged both of them and thanked them for being my sisters in every way possible. I was so happy. All of a sudden Alice threw a towel at me and shouted "Get dressed Bella, now! Rosalie, clear your head. They're here...they're in Vegas."

_**Your reviews are cracking me up! I know not much happened in this chapter, but the part about Bella being more comfortable it important down the road... :) Let me know what you think!**_


	10. Yo Ho Yo Ho

**Yo Ho Yo Ho**

**Stephenie Meyer owns everything I'm just making stuff up that hopefully sounds good!**

**EPOV**

Emmet spent the last 15 minutes spelling out his 'master plan' for the weekend. A few things I had to nix like the matching tattoos, piercings, body shots off of the bartenders at Hooters, and driving out to some horrible brothel to take a picture of Jasper in front just to "see Alice's face". At the mention of that idea, Jasper tried to jump from the car, fortunately I knew it was coming, and held the door locks shut so he couldn't escape.

His only other idea that got blown to bits, and not by me, was by the sunny day outside. He wanted to take a tour of the topless pools of Las Vegas. Since it was sunny, he had come up with the idea of getting a room at each hotel that 'overlooked' the topless pool so he could fog up the window with his heavy breathing I guess. Luckily, I was able to point out how much time that would take and he finally gave up the idea. He was, however, dead set on going to a strip club, that part of the plan was set in stone.

I could see Jasper in his mind. He was planning on covering his eyes the whole time we were at the strip club and Emmett was planning on paying the strippers a lot to give him a lap dance. Now that would be something to see. It was probably what Alice had warned me about, but I couldn't be sure until later.

"Silly question I know Emmett, but where are we going to stay?" A simple question, a simple answer was all it took, but that was impossible with Emmett in Vegas.

He began singing at the top of his lungs "Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me

We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.  
Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!  
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.  
Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

_**Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me"**_

There was no escaping, he would sing the whole song. All he had to say was "Treasure Island, Edward, where we always stay." But not Emmett. He had a full routine to this song with hand motions and all. It looked like Treasure Island the musical in the car. None of us would ever go on Pirates of the Caribbean with him at Disney because he made such an ass of himself. The windows were shaking from the force of his voice and he still had two more verses but I couldn't stand it any longer. I swerved across three lanes for traffic on the Vegas strip and fishtailed the car onto the side of the road.

"Emmett Cullen, can you just _pretend_ to be a man, rather than a 7 year old boy at Disney? We get it, you like pirates, you love pirates, you love playing pirate as was apparent three years ago when we all walked in on you and Rosalie playing Pirate and Wench in the family room! The phrase 'Pirate Booty' is forever ruined in our minds. Please, calm down." And for the first time in a few hours I hear Jasper laugh, out loud. Hopefully he was starting to come around.

"Fine Mr. Pirate Hater- we can stay somewhere else. I suppose you want to go to to a boring casino like Bellagio or Caesars Place where everyone is all dignified and snooty. Whatever..." I could tell I hurt his feeling so I caved.

"No, Emmett this is your plan, so Treasure Island here we come!" I turned onto the Las Vegas strip. People were everywhere on the street. It was great town because there was more that went on at night than in the day so it was perfect for vampires. When we were close enough to make out the pirate ship in front of Treasure island, Emmett could no longer contain himself. He started humming, nicely the rest of his pirate tune. Jasper had even relaxed enough to join in. I was laughing as we pulled under the canopy of the valet parking. The valet at Treasure Island was perfect for us because it was completely covered and the shadow from the hotel cast directly over us so all the sun was blocked from the area allowing us to safely exit the cars.

We walked into the hotel and were immediately welcomed by an old friend of Emmett's, Wench Ruth. She was the one Emmett called whenever he came to town without Rosalie because she knew what room he liked, what he like to do and she would help keep him busy. The only problem was she found Emmett hilarious so she had, in hand when we walked through the door a pirate hat ans sword just for him so he could fit in with the theme of the hotel. In my opinion there was nothing more pitiful than a grown man in costume in the middle of the day. They began having a conversation in pirate lingo which I decided to block out. Jasper and I walked around the corner to the gift shop and I looked for a souvenir for Bella. I may need it to suck up after this was all over.

I wondered what the girls were doing now, where they were and that's when it happened. I heard Alice's thoughts _Edward? _Suddenly I had a flash of Alice screaming cover yourself and throwing a towel at Bella. And then nothing. As fast as it happened, it ended. I didn't quite know what to make of it and Jasper seeing my face ran over at once. "What happened?"

"For a minute I thought I _heard _Alice. But then it was gone, so I'm not sure. Right before it happened I was thinking about Bella. Thats' so weird, she'd have to be..." Oh no. I didn't finish the sentence out loud. She'd have to be really close for me to hear her thoughts. Were they in Vegas? Were they in the hotel waiting for us, ready to pounce? We they on their way? This spelled trouble.

Jasper sat down in the corner "They're coming for us Edward, they're coming I can feel it. We aren't safe here. Damn that Emmet and his eternal love of Wenches! They will know exactly where we are and how to find us. What are we going to do?"

After all we went through to get this far, there was no way I was going to give up this easy. "Get up Jasper. We've got to find Emmett." he jumped up and we ran back toward the lobby of the hotel. Emmett was no where to be found. One of the desk workers saw us frantically searching and asked "Are you looking for the big really guy dressed like a pirate singing A Pirate's Life for Me?"

"Unfortunately. Yes" Jasper said acidly.

"He headed to the buffet with Wench Ruth." She said laughing.

A buffet? What the hell was Emmett going to do at a buffet? Out into the casino we followed the signs to the buffet and our question was answered immediately. He and Wench Ruth were going from table to table talking to people like he was a real pirate. Again it reminded my of a bad character dinner at Disney. He saw us standing there dumbfounded and yelled "Ahoy Mates!"

"The girls are headed to Vegas Emmett. I just heard from Alice" I said it quiet enough that only he could hear. "Put down the wench and the sword we need to get out of here." He looked so stupid in that hat. How could he think he looked appropriate? He got my message because he mumbled some nonsense to the diners that he had so go 'check the cannons on the poop deck' and came running over.

"Where are they? What did you see?" His mouth was going a mile a minute and he looked ready to run.

"Calm down. It was weird, I got a flash of Alice wanting to cover Bella up and then she was gone. It was weird. They may not be in Vegas yet, just getting close" then it happened again, I heard Alice and Rosalie both singing that damn song in their heads _'Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me.' _"They know where we are. We've got to move, now!"

Again, they disappeared from my head. As we ran out of the casino I would catch glimpses of their thoughts, and they were taunting us. We hadn't been at the hotel long so our car was still out front. We jumped in and began driving down the strip.

"Where should be go? Can you tell where they are Edward?" Jasper asked anxiously. He wasn't panicked yet...

"Not yet. They must just barely be close enough for me to hear because it's like if we move one way I can hear and if we move the other way, I'm drawing a blank. They do know we're staying at treasure Island so we need to move. Any ideas Emmet?" he looked deep in thought.

"Yeah. Lets go sit in the ESPN zone and watch the game. We can make some bets and drink some beer and see how much we win. We'll need some cash for later tonight anyway. So many casinos have a sports bar it would take them the better part of the day to find us! How does that sound?" Emmett and beer, never a good combination but always funny.

"I'm in, Jasper what about you? Are you up for some betting?" Being a total gambler, I knew Jasper would jump at the chance.

"Let's do it. Even if we get caught, who cares. We weren't ding anything bad so we can't get into trouble!" Waves of excitement filled the car. We had Jasper on board . He would get a bit crazy betting on games and horse races and Emmett would get drunk. I of course would continue to monitor the girls and make sure no one got arrested. The girls we going to toy with us, and I knew it was going to be a long night.

_**Hope you enjoyed this one. Emmett the pirate...use your imagination. Thanks for the reviews!!**_


	11. The Thunder

**The Thunder **

**_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all these crazy character I am having run around Vegas. She rocks!_**

**Thanks for all the encouragement to update. I am having so much fun and glad you all like it. You're reviews are awesome. I think you'll enjoy the next few chapters a lot!**

**BPOV**

"Alice, did Edward SEE me in this?" I screamed from the bathroom as I was changing out the outfit corset and into the outfit Rosalie had picked out for me. It was a Green halter top with a short white skirt that made my legs look really long. She was good, I had to give it to her. I opened the door and walked out to see Alice and Rosalie laughing.

"Don't worry Bella he didn't see anything he just heard me think 'I've got to cover up Bella' so we're fine. He keeps cutting in and out like bad cell phone service. Rosalie and I are going to mess with them a bit. We're singing 'A Pirates Life for Me' in our heads to let them know we know where they are. That should have them running scared and buy us enough time to run out on our quick shopping trip and make the show without interference."

They ran and changed their clothes at vampire speed. Rosalie grabbed her purse and made sure she had her huge wad of fifties from earlier in the day. She turned to Alice "Money – Check" Alice said back to her "Ticket – check." They looked at me "Clueless Bella – Check!" And without another word we were off.

They had the greatest shops in the hotel. We went to Gucci, Prada, Fendi and Dior. Alice looked like a kid in a candy store. If she could have bought one of everything she would have. Rosalie loved purses and shoes so she spent her time picking all the shoes to match the outfits Alice was coming up with. They were a perfect shopping match and I knew if all else failed, I would look good as long as I lived with Alice and Rosalie.

Rosalie ended up getting a fire engine red strapless dress that was very simple but on her body looked illegal. She found a pair of strappy heels and a gold clutch to finished the outfit. Alice got a funky emerald green skirt with a matching green sweater and patterned camisole under it. She went with simple silver flats.

My outfit was something I would have never picked for myself, but I had to admit when I put it on, I felt like a million bucks. It was a simple black dress, off the shoulder. Rosalie threw me into another corset thing to give me some cleavage and a tiny waist. The dress came to mid calf and then had lace ruffle around the bottom hem. It was gorgeous. Rosalie spend a good hour trying to find me sexy shoes that I wouldn't fall down in. Not and easy task, for someone as clutzy as I was, but she found them none the less. They were closed toe patent leather with a good 3 inch heel. I walked all around he store without tripping before letting them purchase them for me. I really was having too much fun to want to take a side trip to the local emergency room.

Alice looked at her watch. "Wow, time flies when the shopping is good! We need to get going." She turned to the lady behind the counter. "Would you make sure all the clothes we were wearing make it back to our room?" The lady nodded her head. She just made a huge commission off our purchases, so she'd do anything we asked. We gave her a wave and dashed out the lobby doors.

We no sooner stepped outside the hotel, and a gentleman in a tuxedo walked up to me and took my hand. "Miss Bella, my name is Rocco and I will be your driver this evening." Behind him was a huge, black, stretch limousine. Rocco was one good looking guy and as I glanced over to Alice and Rosalie they must have thought so too. I wondered to myself if Alice had paid extra for him. The limo was fantastic. Leather seats, a TV, Radio, a bottle of champaign chilling and three glasses waiting to be filled. Rosalie grabbed the glasses and filled them quickly and passed one to me and one to Alice. She raised her glass and said "To the newest addition to the Cullen family. May you and Edward love each other for all of eternity and hopefully Alice and I can give you a night you will never forget. We love you Bella." And with that, we clinked glasses and drank the champaign.

Rocco turned around and asked "Are you ready Miss Bella?"

"Let's go Rocco. I think there's some trouble we need to get into!" The three of us started laughing as we pulled out of the hotel.

I had hardly realized it was dusk until we were going down the strip. The lights of the casinos were all lit up and flashing. It was more than I ever imagined my life would be. I had sisters, who loved and protected me. I had brothers, who were crazy and lovable. And I had Edward, my soul mate and my one true love. How lucky could one person be?

As I tried to hold back tears, we came up to New York New York and Alice asked Rocco to pull over in front of the ESPN zone. I gasped. In the window I could see Edward, sitting by the window and looking too good for words, laughing as Emmett got slapped by some woman in a purple dress. Jasper was watching what appeared to be a horse race on the plasma screen above them. I could feel his waves of happiness all the way in the car. Knowing him, he was winning on all his bets, Edward had told me he was a big gambler. I wonder what Emmett did to that lady?

Rosalie turned to me and smiled. "Phase 2 of Operation Ball Smasher begins NOW!" She spun in her seat "Rocco, open the sun roof a minute." This huge hole appeared in the roof of the limo. Alice, Rose and I all stuck our heads out the top and were facing the boys.

"Rocco when I say three, you need to pull out of here like a bat out of hell got it?" Alice shouted down to him and he gave a thumbs up out his window. Alice turned to me. "I'm going to get Edward's attention so he sees us and then we are out of here OK? Give him a wave, he'll DIE! Rosalie, shoot Emmett some death rays that should freak him out and I'll blow Jasper a kiss. Believe me he needs it after today. OOHH Jasper's winning, that's good."

Alice counted "One, Two..." and at that moment Edward's head snapped around to look out the window. I smiled and waved to him. He gave me that crooked smile that melted my heart. Emmett's eyes got as big as saucers and he started shaking his head no and waving his hands furiously. Jasper mouthed to Alice 'I'm winning' with a big smile on his face. I braced myself because I knew Rocco was going to pull out soon and the last thing I wanted was to be sprawled out on the concrete right in front of ESPN Zone. That, Edward wouldn't find funny.

'THREE"Alice screamed and the car flew down the road. We spun around the corner and pulled into the back entrance to the Excalibur Hotel. There were a number of limos parked there so we blended right in. I was out of breath from laughing so hard. "Did you see Edward's face? I thought he was going to come through that window! Don't you think we should get farther away? Edward can probably pick up my scent from here." If he was determined to find me, there would be no stopping him.

I should have known Alice has all the bases covered. "Don't worry Bella, before we pulled away I threatened him within an inch if his life if those three stooges came after us and ruined our fun. He has decided to stay put for now so let's get a move on. We have place to go and people to see!"

Rocco threw open the door and offered each of us his hand as we exited the limo. All the people waiting for their taxi's were staring at Alice and Rosalie and even me as we walked past them into the hotel. I felt like a million bucks.

"Can I ask what we are doing here? Are we going to do more gambling?" Frankly, I didn't care what we did I was having so much fun tormenting the boys.

Inside the lobby, I noticed two huge, shirtless guys standing in the middle of the room. One was blond and the other had very dark hair. Their bodies were amazing, there were muscles upon muscles upon more muscles. They definitely gave Emmett a run for his money. Apparently Rosalie thought so too because she went right over to them and gave them a hug. I guess when you're a drop dead gorgeous vampire you can do that sort of thing. I stood off to the side while Rosalie and then Alice talked to them. "Bella," Alice called "Come here and meet a few of our friends." They knew them? I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach and headed over to where they were standing. My night had just begun.

"These are friends of ours Bella, this is Matthew and this is David." Rosalie gave me a shove from behind and I stumbled into David, the blond. "Nice to meet you guys." I had nothing else to say, I was completely speechless and couldn't stop staring at their abs. The must get that a lot because they didn't seem to mind. They just smiled and shook my hand and kissed my blushing cheeks.

The brunette, Matthew, offered me one of his arms and David offered me one of his "Shall we go to the show?" My eyes almost fell out of my head. Without waiting for my answer the guys took my arms and grabbed Alice and Rose with their other free hands and we headed down a long hallway to whatever show we were going to see.

Rosalie started asking them how much they worked out to keep their bodies in such good shape, Alice asked if they had girlfriends and what they looked like. I kept my mouth safely shut and blushed a furious shade of pink that was visible even in the dimly lit hall. We turned a corner and that's when I saw the sign.

David turned to me and said "Bella, welcome to the Thunder From Down Under. We have the best table in the house waiting for you, Alice, and Rosalie. We have to go get ready for the show now, but we'll see you again real soon. All the guys are looking forward to meeting you." I felt like I was going to hurl. What did Alice do?

Matthew turned to me and said "I'll save you a dance, Bella." He winked at me and they took off jogging down the hall. Before I could turn around Alice and Rosalie came flying around me and they were laughing hysterically.

"What did you do Alice?" I asked with a horrified tone. My face felt like the heat coming off of it could melt steel. As I stood there, I debated running for my life. There were other people around and they couldn't risk running at vampire speed to catch me. I'd have to lose the shoes however and I really liked them. I could run all the way to ESPN Zone and hide in Edward's lap. Of course then I'd have to explain myself to him which I didn't think I could ever do.

"You aren't going anywhere Bella." And before I could run she and Rosalie each grabbed a hand and they were escorting me into the theater for the show. We are at the best table in the house. It was on the floor, front row, right in the middle. We wouldn't miss a thing during this show, and sitting with two inhumanly beautiful vampires we were sure to get a lot of attention.

Once we sat down, Rosalie turned to me and said "Bella, just relax. Have fun! I promise nothing horrible is going to happen and you might actually have fun if you remember to breathe!"

"If we go through with this I don't know that I can ever look Edward in the face again. He is such a gentleman and so proper. He will think so much less of me when he finds out what we did. He would never..." Alice cut me off.

"Bella, there is something you need to know. We didn't tell you before because we didn't want you to worry about it, but the boys are going to a strip club tonight. It has been Emmett's plan all along. Our first phone call warned them to abandon the plan and that's when Emmett decided to try and trick me which we know totally failed." I considered it for a minute.

"That may be Emmett's plan, but there is no way Edward will go along with it. He would never..." Rosalie cut me off this time.

"Bella, the other two were ready to back out of the idea hours ago. Edward was the one who convinced them to go through with the whole bachelor party plan." They both sat silently waiting for my reaction.

"Give me the phone." If I had learned one thing on this trip it was don't take crap from anyone, especially your future husband. Alice saw the fire in my eye and her mouth turned up in a grin. She knew what I was going to do. "It will drive him crazy you know?"

"Good. That's the plan. Phase three of Operation Ball Crusher begins...NOW." I dialed Edwards cell.

"Hi Eddie. Yes Eddie, I'm human, I have to drink to stay alive. I've been having the most delicious iced tea. I guess they get it special from Long Island, at least that's what the bartender keeps telling me. OOHH you know what Rosalie taught me? She taught me how to do, oh what's it called, oh yeah a body shot off the bartender. His name is Paolo and he is a soccer player from Brazil. He must work out a lot to get that body." The girls were shaking with silent laughter. "Are you guys having fun? What do you have planned for the evening anything special??" I wanted to see if he would admit it. "Oh Emmett is in charge and you're just going to let him take you wherever he wants? You have no say in the matter?" I rolled my eyes. I couldn't even get mad at him for lying to be because he was just so bad at it. And I know technically, he wasn't lying, he was just leaving out major details and I could tell he felt terrible about it by the tone in his voice.

Sides had been chosen in this Cullen battle of the sexes and for now we were on opposite teams. All's fair in love and war... so I went in for the finishing strike. "OK, well you boys have fun, be safe, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. I gotta go now Eddie, the strippers are taking the stage! Love ya!"

Right on cue the lights dimmed and the women around me started screaming. And with that, I hung up the phone. Rosalie and Alice beamed with pride. "We have taught you well grasshopper." Rosalie said with a bow. "Our little girl is all grown up" Alice stood up and gave me a standing ovation. The room was still dark and music began to play in the background. I drew my line in the sand, I'd worry about Edward's reaction after the show.

_**Hope you liked it. Let me know!! **_


	12. Let the Chips Fall

**Let the chips fall where they may**

_**Stephenie Meyer owns everything, she is brilliant!**_

**OK- this one was really long and hard to write. I know everyone wants to see Edward's reaction to Bella's phone call. I hope you like it. I rewrote it twice...it will pay off in the end you kinda have to trust me on it though... :)**

**EPOV**

We safely arrive at the ESPN Zone and the girls are nowhere to be seen. Of course that didn't stop Emmet from feeling the need to take evasive measures by purchasing dark sunglasses for the three of us as, I guess, a disguise. Like somehow they made us invisible to the girls. Not wanting to rock the boat, I did as he asked and put them on as we walked indoors. For some reason, while trying to be inconspicuous with the glasses, Emmett kept calling attention to himself by saying hello to everyone we passed. "Hey man. Hello ladies. What's up" Kept flying from his mouth. The verbal diarrhea was coming back. I glanced over at Jasper and he sent a calming wave out to help settle Emmett.

We walked past the sports book and Jasper took off to place bets. Jasper loved to bet, and he loved to win. Something that was made much easier by being married to a psychic, however Jasper thought it was all him. Alice did a very good job of steering him to make good bets without him knowing. That gave him a false sense of confidence in his betting skills. I wasn't sure how he would do flying solo, but we were about to find out because he came back with a bunch of bets he placed on horse races.

"Let's grab a table before the races start. I want to be close to the TV." He marched off into the ESPN Zone looking for a good table. The hostess came over to us and asked "How many today gentlemen?"

"Three. Could we have that table over there by the window. I want to be near the TV?" Jasper flashed her his best vampire smile. She blinked for a few minutes and then led us right over. "You're server will be right with you."

Safely seated at the table I decided to take off my sunglasses. "Edward what are you doing? Are you trying to get us caught?" He slouched down in his seat so no one could see him.

"Emmett, of all the places in Vegas do you really think Rosalie or Alice would be caught dead in a sports bar? I doubt the even know they exist. Besides, I keep getting flashes of Prada and Gucci shoes from Rosalie so I think they are safely shopping. So can we drop the disguises? I swear I will tell you if they are going to storm the bar OK?"

"Fine. Glasses off, but keep them handy in case they sneak in. That Alice, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. Edward you should be a bit more concerned too, I think Bella has crossed over to the dark side..." He said it so dramatically. Emmett could be such a dork sometimes.

A very cute girl in a tight football jersey and short shorts came over to take our order. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"

Emmett answered first "A pitcher please." "How many glasses, three?" she asked

"No, just one." He grinned. I rolled my eyes, this should be entertaining.

It was my turn to order. "I'll have a gin and tonic with a twist of lime, please."

"I'll have a banana daiquiri and with one of those little umbrellas if you have any!" A girlie drink. Why Jasper insisted on drinking them I will never know. They were so sweet, and came in horrible things like coconuts, or pineapples all the time. He looked like an eighty year old woman on a cruise as he drank them, but that was his drink of choice.

"Jasper it looks like it's time for the race to start." I saw the horses for the first race taking the field. "What horse did you bet on?" I wanted to see how badly he did.

"Number 4. It's name is My Little Pony.. I thought that was cute, you know like the toys the little girls play with, so I picked it." A confused look came over my face.

"You picked it by the name?" Emmett bellowed. "How has it finished? Does it like grass tracks or dirt? How many races has it run? What are the odds?" He stared at Jasper for a minute and shook his head. "You are so going to lose this one Jazz. Is that how you picked all the horses, by name?"

The waitress returned with a gin and tonic, a pitcher with one glass and a banana daiquiri in a glass with flowers on top and one pink umbrella sticking out of the top. This took male bonding to a whole new level.

The horses were in the gate and I knew Emmett was considering making a side bet with Jasper but he kept thinking to himself _"What should I bet him?" _"How about a shot Emmett? If you win he does a shot if he wins, you do the shot." I thought it was a good suggestion, it would possibly get Jasper to order a more manly drink next time or Emmett would lose and get really drunk which would also be funny. Either way I would win, so I egged him on. "Unless you're afraid of My Little Pony..."

"Alright Jasper, I'll bet you one shot My Little Pony doesn't place in the top five this race. Loser does a shot. What do you say?" He extended his hand to Jasper to see if he'd shake. As the horses left the gates, Jasper shook his hand. Game on.

Jasper nervously sipped his daiquiri as the horses came around the home stretch. My Little Pony was in 7th place but moving up on the outside. "Come on My Little Pony, run, run, run Little Pony!" Jasper screamed in the bar. Every head in the place looked at him like he just escaped from a mental hospital.

Emmett started shouting at the seven horse to "Box in My Little Pony, don't let him get past you, come on!" Before he even had time to embarrass himself further, the race was over and Jasper was victorious. My little Pony placed 3rd.

He pumped his fist in victory. Emmett downed his beer in disgust. "Stupid Pony." I waved over the waitress to help him settle the bet.

"We need a shot." I turned to Emmett "Pick your Poison..." He didn't even look up. "Vodka" the waitress was amused with Emmett's pout and gave him a big smile. She returned with the vodka in record time. "Enjoy." And she winked at Emmett. "Can I get you another gin and tonic?" I didn't even realized I had finished the first one. After the day we had, I didn't realize how badly I needed a drink. "Sure, why not."

He was too angry to even notice the waitress flirting with him. He did the shot and was ready to redeem himself. Emmett growled "Who do you have in the next race? Powerpuff girls or something?" Jasper acted insulted.

"If you must know I picked My Girl Alice to Win. Feeling brave? Do you really want to bet against Alice, Emmett?" He was trying to get under Emmett's skin which wasn't hard especially now the beer and vodka were having it out in his stomach.

"I bet he doesn't even place in the top two." He made a safer bet this time in an effort to save face.

"What are you betting this time genius?" I asked. It wouldn't be a drink, he still had over half a pitcher left. He was looking, looking "Ah- ha. Loser has to be Alice's Barbie for the day a full 24 hours. Deal?" This was better than the shot, but more awful in other ways. Jasper considered the bet and took it. He thought Alice would go easy on him if he lost and be even meaner to Emmett when she heard he bet against her namesake.

A few minutes later the next race began. And once again Emmett went down in flames! Alice managed to place second, so Jasper lost his bet against the house, but won against Emmett. Not bad.

I couldn't remember the last time we laughed this much. The gin may have had something to do with my high spirits, but I didn't care. I was with my brothers, on an adventure, and going to marry the woman of my dreams in a few days. How much better could this day get?

The two knuckleheads kept betting, Jasper finally lost and had to chug the rest of his daiquiri which gave him a head freeze. Emmett found that to be hysterical so when Jasper recovered, he sent a wave of panic to Emmett and yelled "Oh my God it's Rosalie! Hide Emmett." Having finished off the pitcher and the shot and being emotionally attacked, he fell for it. He dove under the table and put on his sunglasses and screamed "Take cover boys! The enemy has been spotted. Save yourselves." I thought my sides would split from laughter.

There were two races left that Jasper had bet on. By this time, Emmett had drank two pitchers and a shot of Vodka, I had 3 gin and tonics and Jasper had 2 daiquiri's and a jello shot, so we were in bad shape to put it mildly. "What one did you pick Jazz?" I asked for Emmett. He was still trying to figure out what to make the next bet. He wanted it to be something big, but was undecided.

"I bet Going to the Chapel for Edward and Bella if you must know. I bet it to win." I was touched, so touched I started laughing and I didn't know why.

"OK since the horse was chosen in my honor, I get to make the terms for the loser OK? Emmett what is your bet?" I asked him from across the table. He thought long about it.

"I bet it will not place better than third." He was feeling pretty confident. I would too if I were a betting man, the odds on this horse were 85 to 1.

"Jasper do you accept this bet?" He was trying to stare down Emmett and intimidate him. "Absolutely" He replied.

"The loser has to go up to that lady in the red dress. Do you both see her? She was seated at a table near us with two girlfriends. She had been looking at Jasper all night so I hoped he lost so I could see this play out. "I want you to invite her to the table and try to hit on her. Give her your best line." Emmett laughed.

"That's not so bad! I'm so smooth with the ladies. I want to see Jumpy Jasper put his best moves out there. Oh I hope I win this one!!" He was bouncing in his seat.

Part of me felt bad doing this to that woman, however she was having some really racy thoughts about Jasper so I figured it would be funny to see what happened if he lost. And, I could think of nothing funnier that Jasper's reaction when she took him up on his offer. The race couldn't start soon enough.

All eyes were on the plasma TV. The horses were out of the gate and Going to the Chapel was in the middle of the pack. Slowly and steadily it moved up into 4th place. They rounded the final turn and he had moved up to third, but there was another horse close on his heels. Emmett was screaming, Jasper was screaming and I was laughing. It came down to the final ten meters...

"He Won! He won! Going to the chapel won!" Jasper had jumped up onto his chair and was shouting. The whole bar started clapping for him because he was flooding the room with his emotions of joy. Even Emmett couldn't be angry with Jasper's surge of happiness.

I looked at Emmett and said "Time to pay the piper big guy! Good luck." Jasper was silent. He sent a wave of fear just to mess with Emmett's head. He kicked Jasper under the table and then turned to the woman in red.

"Excuse me, Hi. My name is Emmett what is yours?" She smiled at him and said "Josie". One of her friends giggled and hoped we could somehow end up on a triple date. She apparently she also thought Jasper was sexy. I wondered to myself if they all needed corrective lenses.

"Josie, we are here for a bachelor party in honor of my brother Edward, say hello to the ladies Edward." I will kill him "Hello ladies." He turned back on the charm. "Josie, would you like to join us for a minute?" He pulled the empty chair over next to him.

She was nervous to come join us at the table. She really liked Jasper but thought somehow she could work Emmett and end up with Jasper in the end. I had to tune her out because her thoughts about Jasper were bordering on obscene, and with that much gin in my system, I just kept laughing.

The next thing I knew Emmett thought _"Here goes nothing_" he leaned over and said "So sweet cheeks, can I take you home and suck your toes?" Gin flew out of my mouth and I started laughing. Jasper missed the whole thing because he had just figured out how much he won with his bet and was jumping up and down. Josie sat frozen for a minute and then slapped Emmet in the face with her purse. She put everything she had into it.

"You are sick and disgusting PIG! Are you out of your..." A string of profanities began flying from her mouth when suddenly I heard her.

_'Edward look outside' _

My head whipped around at the sound of Alice's voice. Jasper and Emmett could feel Rosalie and Alice too because we were all transfixed on the window. All three of the girls were hanging out of the top of a big stretch limo. Bella threw me a beautiful smile and a quick wave. She looked spectacular in her black dress. Oh how I missed her. Rosalie obviously had seen Emmett get smacked because she was firing lasers out of her eyes. Emmett started yelling "No, No Rose. No, I didn't do anything no..." He was flapping his arms frantically. Jasper was so relieved to lay eyes on a smiling Alice. She sweetly blew him a kiss and he yelled 'I'm winning' to her. Before we could move, the limo sped off and they were gone.

Jasper was so happy. Alice wasn't mad at him. Emmett, was still being screamed at my Josie, for what would go down in the family history books as 'Emmett and the great toe sucking incident.' He would never live it down and now Rose was mad so he was definitely in the dog house. And Bella, my sweet Bella, looked beautiful and unharmed, just as I hoped she would be. I really wanted to see her. Maybe I could find her if they didn't go to far.

_'If you think of following us I will kill you Edward Cullen. You go your way and we'll go ours. If you ruin our night there will be hell to pay. See you at home tomorrow. Bella will be fine. She loves you.' _

Leave it to Alice to be one step ahead of me. I smiled and then whispered so only Jasper and Emmett could hear. "Let's get out of here. I'm tired of all her cursing."

Josie made sure everyone in the bar thought Emmett was a pervert, so there was a lot of shouting and cheering as we left. I don't think anyone was really sad to see us leave. Jasper ran over to the Sports Book to collect his winnings $8,500. Apparently he had bet $100 on Going to the Chapel so he walked away the big winner of the night.

We were going to take the mustang, but we were pretty drunk so we decided to walk instead. I'd get the car sent over to Treasure Island in the morning. Emmett needed some air and the lights were shining on the strip. It was beautiful to take in. As we walked, we planned our next part of the evening. "Let's go back to the hotel, and quickly change so we are dressed more appropriately before we head to the strip club!" Emmett was grinning from ear to ear. I know he was worried about Rosalie, but he wasn't going to let it ruin his night, or ruin our adventure.

"What do we wear to a strip club Emmett? Is there a dress code? Whatever we wear is going to smell like stale smoke and be ruined..." Jasper trailed off in thought to consider what to wear. I'm sure he was missing Alice's help for this.

"I don't know what you wear, but right now we don't look very smooth, we look like three guys who spent the afternoon drinking at the sports bar and... asking girls to suck their toes!" As soon as I said it I looked over at Emmett. He started laughing at himself. "I don't know what came over me. It was the first thing that popped into my head. If I would have said that to Rosalie all you would have found was a spot where she had killed me. I wonder if Alice saw it and told her..." He thought about it and then shrugged "What can I do about it now? Nothing. So I think I'll go to a strip club to cheer myself up!"

My phone rang suddenly. That was never a good sign. It was Alice's phone. Emmett and Jasper froze on the side of the road as I answered it. "Hello?" _"Hi Eddie." _

"Bella? Have you been drinking again?" She then started rambling ."_Yes Eddie, I'm human, I have to drink to stay alive. I've been having the most delicious iced tea. I guess they get it special from Long Island, at least that's what the bartender keeps telling me. OOHH you know what Rosalie taught me? She taught me how to do, oh what's it called, oh yeah a body shot off the bartender. His name is Paolo and he is a soccer player from Brazil. He must work out a lot to get that body." _

I tried to take it all in. She was drunk, on Long Island Iced teas this time, and she did body shots off of a Brazilian soccer playing bartender with a great body. Did I miss anything? Was she trying to kill me right here and now?

"_Are you guys having fun? What do you have planned for the evening anything special??"_ She knew.

"Alice and Rosalie ratted us out. What should I do?" I whispered to Emmett and Jasper looking for help "Lie!" They said with no hesitation.

"Um, Emmett is in charge tonight so I have to go wherever he takes me. We kind of made a deal." I was a horrible liar and I knew it. She wouldn't be fooled. Emmett rolled his eyes at my feeble attempt. "_Oh Emmett is in charge and you're just going to let him take you wherever he wants? You have no say in the matter?" _She was setting me up. trapping me in my lie."Yep that about sums it up."

How could I go through with this now? She would be so upset with me tomorrow, and how could I look into her beautiful eyes again knowing I lied to her over something so stupid. I didn't need to go to this strip club, truthfully I'd rather be spending the rest of the night with her, she had looked so beautiful in that limo. I was ready to come clean, I had to tell her everything. "Bella..." but before I could finish she cut me off _"OK, well you boys have fun, be safe, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. I gotta go now Eddie, the strippers are taking the stage! Love ya!"_

I don't completely remember what happened next. A loud growl erupted from my chest. Emmett and Jasper grabbed me before I could run, but not before I chucked the phone into traffic. I vaguely remember shouting a string of profanities at Emmett and Jasper for their choice in women. Where could they be? Where were there male strippers nearby? I turned around and started frantically reading billboards. Directly in front of me, larger than life was 'The Thunder From Down Under' all male review at Excalibur. I pointed at the sign and shouted to Emmett and Jasper "That's where they are. That's where your sadistic wives took Bella. We are going to get her NOW!"

Jasper tried to settle me down with a major wave of calm but it didn't help very much. I temporarily stopped shouting and Emmett jumped in. "Edward, are you _sure_ that is where they are? Did you see them there or is that just what Bella said? I mean Rosalie is totally the type to go see male stripper, she does have a thing for a greased up man, but Bella?" He wasn't helping... "Remember Edward, the girls already used her once before to mess with your head. What makes you think this isn't another one of Alice's plans to derail our fun? A wild goose chase to keep us busy maybe?" Jasper added. I wouldn't put it past them to do something that underhanded.

I thought about it, I thought long and hard. Well, as hard as I could, considering I was drunk on the Las Vegas strip. Bella would never go to a show like that. She wouldn't be able to last five minutes without blushing herself into a coma. Alice and Rosalie were tricky. They probably wanted me to overreact, as they so often accuse me of doing, and storm the stage which would be full of greased up, beefcakes in thongs and I would look like a fool. It was a set up. It had to be. It was the only thing that made sense. She would never...she was bluffing...she had to be. That was it. I was going to call their bluff.

I started slowly, as it sank in. "I think you're right. They're bluffing. Bella would never go along with it, she just wouldn't."

_'Look how much fun Bella is having on stage! Look at her ride that Cowboy. I'm impressed...'_ Alice again. Would this woman stop at nothing? How stupid did she think I was? There was no way Bella would be on stage infront of a crowd with a stripping cowboy. I laughed out loud at the thought of it. A bit over the top Alice. I knew how her mind worked. She was trying so hard to make me run in there and make a fool of myself by planting these ridiculous images in my head. She was so desperate and wanted to provoke me into doing someting foolish. Nice try Alice.

I threw an arm around Emmett and Jasper. "Thank you both for keeping me from making a total fool of myself. Lets get back to the hotel and change and head to Scores!" Any worries I had about this evening were fast slipping away. The girls weren't playing fair. I hadn't interfered with any of their plans and yet they kept messing with ours. Not anymore. I flagged a taxi and we were off to begin what would figure to be the high point of our trip. I'd worry about the fall out in the morning.

_**Phew I'm glad that is done. Sorry it was so long but I needed the time lines to match up. I originally wrote Edward being really really mad, but then got stuck. What was he going to do? Go on a killing rampage in Vegas? Not much comedy there. I also need the boys and girls to stay apart for another chapter or two and if he dragged her out of the show, then what I have planned for the end won't work...BUT if he convinces himself she couldn't possibly, and would never go to a strip club, not sweet innocent Bella, well it's funnier when he does find out she did go hang out with The Thunder From Down Under. Like it Hate it. Let me know!! Thanks. Gotta go write about the Thunder...**_


	13. Girls Gone Wild

**Girls gone Wild**

_**I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer is the real genius and owner of all.**_

**BPOV**

I don't know why I was so happy I had just crushed Edward like a bug, but it felt good. I was beginning to understand how Alice and Rosalie felt most of the time when they got the upper hand in situations with the guys. It was a rush. I felt very powerful. The boys always underestimated us, but not any more, and especially not me. Not after the showdown in Vegas was complete and we were crowned the victors.

The lights dimmed, and the waitress brought us three huge Margaritas. Rosalie grabbed hers and made another toast. "To Bella - A Cullen Woman through and through!" We clinked glasses and I took a big sip. The music blared and fog filled the stage.

A voice came over the PA system "Ladies, are you ready?" The crowd cheered "I can't hear you ladies, are you ready for some _thunder_??" Rosalie let out a huge whistle.

All of a sudden, the stage was flooded with 16 men, each more gorgeous than the next. They each had a sculpted body most men would die for. Their bodies glistened with oil and their hair was all gelled up and slicked back or spiked. They glided across the stage and began to introduce themselves to the audience. Their Australian accents were hypnotizing. I turned to Alice and whispered "They are so perfect...are they vampires?" I knew it was a dumb question but I had to ask.

Alice and Rosalie laughed. "No Bella" Alice answered with the smile "They're just really hot guys!" WOW! I began fanning myself because I felt a little warm. I turned my attention back to the stage. The guys were filing off the stage for a minute to get changed into their costumes and as they walked past our table a few of them winked at me. My face turned pink and even more pink when a few said "Hi Bella. You look beautiful tonight." Were they actually talking to me?

My mouth hung open as I turned to face the girls who were in the midst of a laugh attack. It's a good thing vampires didn't need to breathe or one of them would have passed out. "What have you two done to me? Alice..." she just pointed back at the stage.

The song 'Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)' by Big and Rich started playing in the background. Three of the guys came out on stage in chaps, no shirt, boots and cowboy hats. I immediately recognized one of them as Matthew one of the guys who escorted us to the show. He guy knew how to dance. Rosalie was on her feet dancing to the music and Matthew came over by our table to dance with her. She grabbed some of the cash from her purse and gave it to him. He kissed her on the cheek and without missing a beat in his routine, reached his hand out and grabbed mine. Before I had time to take a breath I was led on stage by Matthew the Cowboy stripper! He picked me up in his arms and spun me around a few times and at the part of the song where they say "Save a horse ride a cowboy" for some unknown reason I flung myself onto his back piggy back style and started swinging my arm over my head like I had some imaginary lasso in my hand. Alice was on her chair clapping. Rosalie was doubled over in laughter. Matthew gentle put me down, gave me a wink and I ran off stage back to the table.

Alice leaned over to me "Forget the Vodka, I'm gonna tell Edward your much crazier when you drink those!"

Edward. Oh he would certainly kill me for this. This was one of the times I was completely happy Edward couldn't read my mind because I'm sure this evening would be swimming around in it for quite some time.

Two more acts came on stage and each time, Rosalie and Alice whipped out those fifties they had won earlier in the evening. Money spoke to the Thunder guys and they were more than happy to pay a lot of attention to our table. Alice looked so small when they would come over and dance with her. They liked to pick her up because she was so tiny and she would laugh and run her fingers through their hair.

Rosalie used her drop dead gorgeous body and could dance right a long with them in perfect unison to the music. She would pass out those fifties like candy at Halloween. After my ride the cowboy episode, I tried to keep a low profile and enjoy what was going on around me, but whenever I got comfortable, Rosalie would send over some hulking man to dance in my lap. I was so popular at one point, I had three of them dancing around me. My head was spinning and I constantly reminded myself to breathe.

They took a bit of an intermission and I quickly finished my drink. It was so hot and I was dying of thirst. Margaritas were good, too good. Feeling silly and a bit drunk again I started laughing to Alice. "What's poor Eddie up to?" She smiled one of her wicked smiles

"Well, after your little phone call, he almost came over here and stormed the stage to protect your honor. He also considered killing Rose and me." Uh Oh "But you won't believe this!" She made sure Rosalie was paying attention "He actually thinks you made it up! He thinks the whole thing is a big joke and we were messing with him again. His brain refused to believe you'd be caught dead here." Rosalie snorted. "He is however still planning on going to the strip club later. But don't worry, I know which one it is." We all exchanged a big smile.

"Are you two thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked. They both waited for me to speak first. "We're going to crash the strip club right?" I don't know what made me say it, yes I did, the combination of caffeine and margaritas was talking, but it would be perfect. They would never see it coming and we would win. We would have bragging rights for eternity.

Alice hugged me first "Bella, you are truly and evil genius. I'm so glad Edward didn't kill you in Biology class! This will be so much fun. We have plenty of time to enjoy the rest of the show and still make it to the strip club. Don't worry" She whipped out her cell and made a few calls.

Rosalie put her arm around my shoulder "Bella, I bow at your greatness. So devious, so cunning, so vengeful. Are you sure we aren't somehow related?" I threw my ams around her and laughed as I hugged her.

"So Rose, what do you think Emmett did back there to get slapped by that girl?" I asked. She looked over at Alice for a hint. "I have no idea, I was trying so hard to keep Edward out of my head I wasn't paying attention to Emmett. He'll have to explain it to you later. I'm sure it will be a doozy."

Rosalie sighed "He can be such a moron sometimes, the possibilities are endless. Maybe he asked her to 'shiver his timber' or something idiotic like that. He does get on that pirate thing when we are here...and Edward just encourages the whole awful thing so I'm sure he's somehow to blame."

Right on cue, the lights went down and the next song began and we heard "Ahoy Maties" We froze. No way, it couldn't be Emmett. Alice would have seen it coming. The lights came up and there was no mistake. No way the guy on stage was Emmett. He was way to HOT!

Out came one of the Thunder guys in a full Pirate costume ala Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Carribean. His shirt was wide open and his chest was spectacular. We erupted into hysterical laugher.

Rosalie muttered "If Emmett looked that good in his pirate costume, I might not mind his fetish so much... Woof!" The fifties came flying out of her purse and soon we every pirate in the seven seas dancing around the table.

A few more songs later the show ended. My face hurt from smiling so much. I was so glad they had taken me there. It was the most absurd thing I had ever done, but I would remember it always. Just one of those human experiences Edward was so keen on me having...well, he probably would have been OK with me skipping this particular one all together, but oh well. What's done is done. It was time to refocus our energies to the greater mission.

"Did you have fun Bella? You looked like you had fun... especially riding the cowboy!" I had to admit that was the highpoint of the evening for me. I shot her a smile. Alice took my hand and led me down the hall.

"I really did have a great time, thank you both for everything. This has been the best girls weekend ever!" I knew I had to enjoy it because Edward would probably never let me out of his sight again when all the details came out probably during some horrible game of truth or dare knowing these guys.

We walked out of the lobby and found Rocco. "Did you ladies enjoy the show?"

"You have no idea Rocco!" Rosalie said with a grin and jumped into the limo. We all got in and Rocco asked "Are you ready for the next stop Alice?"

"Let's go Rocco. Look out boys, here we come!" And with that we put our heads together to plan our strategy. The boys would never see it coming...

_**Hope you liked it!**_


	14. What were we thinkning?

**What were we thinking?**

_**I own none of the following people mentioned in this story. Stephenie Meyer has that honor. Maybe she'd let me borrow Edward... :)**_

**EPOV**

We stumbled into the room in record time. We had places to go and things to do. As we entered the room I noticed three boxes sitting on the table from a store called Daddy O's. Emmett and Jasper looked just as confused I was. Alice strikes again...

Emmett picked up the one with his name on it and held it to his ear like he was listening for the ticking sounds of an explosive. He peeked and slammed it shut quickly, just in case any living creatures were going to jump out. Having psyched himself out totally, he turned to Jasper. "Just open it. You know it's from Alice and she'd never harm a hair on your head. Tell us what it is!"

Jasper opened the box and pulled out a short sleeve, button down style bowling/swinger shirt that was grey with a big black stripe up at the buttons. There was also a black tank top to wear underneath. He smiled apparently happy with Alice's selection. "There's a note guys."

**Just a little something for you guys to wear on your big adventure to the strip club.**

**I was afraid if you dressed yourselves you'd stand out like sore thumbs.**

**Behave... **

**Kisses – Alice, Rosalie and Bella**

Being reassured by the note that there was no danger, Emmett ripped open the box like it was Christmas morning. He smiled as he pulled out and shirt very similar to Jaspers except his was black with a red stripe up the side. In that stripe was a picture of a pin up girl. He let out a low whistle. Very Emmett...I had to give it to Alice she was good.

I was next, and my box contained the standard tank top, and a shirt like theirs but it was mostly tan across the chest with a little bit of black visible up the sides. Alice's years of shopping were paying off. They must have been the latest in strip club chic and were far better than any choices we could have put together ourselves.

We got dressed quickly, however Emmett really liked his shirt and felt the need to admire himself in the mirror for longer than I thought healthy. He also decided to name the girl on his shirt Betty and was having a conversation with her. Just when I thought he couldn't get any stranger...

"Are we ready guys? It's time to hit the road." Emmett took one quick look in the mirror, blew Betty a kiss and gave me a big thumbs up. Jasper however, looked nervous, what else was new. He needed a pep talk and I knew if Emmett tried, he'd need to be hospitalized so I came to his rescue.

"Jasper are you ready? I can tell you're nervous but you don't rally have any reason to be. I am the guest of honor, Emmett will be looking for any way possible to humiliate me, not you! And you saw Alice tonight. She wasn't mad at you, she was really happy to see you. She told me to keep an eye on you and that's exactly what I am going to do, OK? Do you trust me?" Jasper nodded yes. "Now, I need you to do me a favor. Please, try and get your emotions under control or we are going to be surrounded by a bunch of panicky, paranoid people tonight and that would not be a good vibe for a strip club. Can you try, please?" He laughed and I knew it had worked.

I turned to Emmett. "Ground rules: Under no circumstances will I touch any of these women so don't ask me to, and don't ask them to accidentally fall off the stage and into my lap, fake and ankle sprain and topple on me or something weird like that. Second, there will be no more drinking, I just got done hacking up the drinks from ESPN and don't feel like doing that again, EVER! We keep a low profile, no calling attention to ourselves because I'm not leaving another establishment to screams of 'pervert' because of your socially deviant behavior. Lastly, when I say it's time to go we leave, no questions asked. Can you live by those rules Emmett? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

He opened his mouth to say something, but promptly shut it and held out his hand to me. "Agreed" and we shook on it. I think the rules helped Jasper feel more comfortable with the evening because the anxiety level in the room went from a 12 down to a 4. I could deal with a four...the twelve was getting to be tiring. As we walked to the door Emmett said "Grab your sunglasses too, you never know when they might come in handy!" Whatever you say Emmett...

We made our way out of the hotel and a limo driver was holding a sign that said 'Cullen' on it. Emmett jumped right in and Jasper followed close on his heels. Emmett hadn't told me he arranged for a limo. I guess he figured only the classiest guys arrive at a strip club in a limo I'm sure.

"So Emmett when did you arrange for the limo? You never mentioned it before in the plan." I was curious because I hadn't seen it anywhere in his head either and he's usually an open book.

"I didn't." He said with a shrug and went back to singing Hungry Like the Wolf along with the radio.

"What do you mean you didn't? Then who did? Jasper..." But Jasper looked as confused as I was. Then he shook his head "Alice."

Suddenly, I felt paranoid, she knew way too much about our plans for the evening. The shirts, the limo, and she knew where were we driving to because the driver never asked where we wanted to go, he just started driving. Jasper felt the panic which was coming from me for a change and laughed. "Who's panicking now?"

"Aren't either of you the least bit concerned about how much Alice knows? You don't think they are going to show up do you?" I was trying desperately to pick up something from Alice but she must have been to far away.

"Edward, there is no way Alice or Bella would step foot in a club with female strippers." He thought for a minute and continued "However Rosalie, would probably have no qualms about storming in and beating the crap out of me... Well, I guess it's a good thing we brought the sunglasses!"

"Yes Emmett, they'll _never_ be able to find us in our elaborate disguises." I replied icily.

"Cut it out Mr. Worry-wart! We have arrived!" He threw open the door to the car and was out like a shot. Jasper turned to me "Here goes nothing!" And joined him.

I stepped out of the car and walked over to the driver. "Thanks for the ride. I'm sorry I didn't get your name?" He patted me on the back "My name is Rocco, Mr. Edward. Enjoy your evening!" He jumped in the car and was gone. Stupid psychic sister of mine!

The strip club was a very interesting place. The owner apparently liked neon lights, they lined the bar, the stage, one of the 'poles' lit up, and there were some lights on the floor. They reminded me of the emergency exit lights that lined the isle on an airplane to lead the way to safety. However these lights led to the back of the club where I'm sure safety was they last thing I would find if I followed them. Yuck!

Even with all the neon, the room was dim, and there was a thick cloud of stale smoke that hung in the air. The smell in the place was awful, a mix of that stale smoke, cheap perfume and what I can only assume was air freshener that someone felt, in large enough volumes, would mask everything. I had to slow my breathing or be overpowered by it all.

The music was extremely loud and made it difficult to hear each other even with our extra sensitive hearing. The stage was in the front of the room with a long runway coming out from in and a pole in the middle. A leggy blond was finishing up her performance to the song 'Hot for Teacher' by Van Halen. When the music quieted, Emmet raced to a table right next to the stage.

We sat down and I felt Jasper start to lose control. He became very nervous and was flooding the room with panic. I could hear the thoughts of those around me,. Men started looking over their shoulders wondering if their wives would catch them. One of the strippers thought someone looked like a cop. I had to laugh and turned to Jasper. "Jazz, get it under control. Half the guys here have lied to their wives, and the other half are cheating on them and think they're about to get caught!" He tried very hard, and it started to work until the next dancer was announced. Bambi was about to take the stage and Jasper was terrified of little Bambi. The lights came up and the music started but she didn't come on stage.

Off in the distance I could hear an argument "Get out there! What are you waiting for?" A gruff male voice said. "I can't, I just can't. I'm so scared...don't make me do it." That, I assume, was poor Bambi frozen like a deer in the headlights (A/N: AHAHAH) thanks to Jasper. Emmett heard the conversation too and smacked Jasper "Stop scaring the strippers! Put your sunglasses on and close your eyes if you are such a baby, but don't ruin our fun! The poor girl has a show to do."

With protective eye wear in place and his eyes securely shut, Jasper calmed himself and Bambi was thrown onto stage. As she danced I tried to look around at anything other than her which was difficult since I was right next to the stage thanks to Emmett. On the wall, were big signs that said 'No Touching' and 'Keep you hands to yourself or you will be force ably removed from the premises'. At least I knew he wouldn't be able to break rule number one I gave him back at the hotel. I heard Emmett mumble something about Bambi having"Amazing upper body strength." As she scaled the pole in the center of the stage with ease.

Emmett threw a wad on money onto the stage right next to me and Bambi came over to show her appreciation. She was still half dressed, thankfully, in some sort of tear away police officer's uniform. She flashed me her badge and I gave her a quick smile and turned away. Of course, when I turned Emmett decided to imagine Rosalie in the police uniform and if I had been human I think I would have probably thrown up in my mouth. _'He knows I can read his thoughts why must he do this to me?' _I said to myself.

Jasper was sitting right next to me. I leaned over and said "Hey, Ray Charles, can you punch Emmett for me." Without a word, Jasper punched him in the chest breaking his train of thought thankfully.

"What was that for?" Emmett growled. "My mental health thank you..." He grinned "Well, stay out of my head would ya."

"I never thought I'd say this, but your head seems to be the cleanest place to be in _this_ establishment. The guy next to me took 4 Viagra before coming here this evening in the hopes of getting lucky. That guy in the green shirt, he is keeping a tally in his head on which girls breast are real and which are fake, and the 2 guys in the corner need to collect money from the sweaty guy on the other side of stage. He of course is completely clueless and I cannot even hint as to where his thoughts are..." I shuddered. There were some truly horrible people in this place tonight. "So I assumed you would be able to keep your thoughts PG-13 at least, but I gave you to much credit I guess!"

"Sorry Edward, I'll try to be good. Or at least I'll warn you before things get bad how's that??" He gave me a devilish smile, and I started laughing. "Thanks. Until then, I'll go back to listening to Jasper recite the Declaration of Independence!" That had Emmett howling but Jasper was unfazed. He was in his own little bubble and doing quite well, I wondered when he would freak out like Alice said.

When the dancers finished their routines they would come out and talk to people and serve drinks or work bar. Bambi ended up being our waitress and asked if we wanted drinks. Before Emmet could open his mouth I ordered 3 Seltzer waters. She smiled and quickly brought them back and moved onto the next table. The smell of her overpowering perfume lingered at the table and I had to stop breathing until the smell had dissipated.

I turned to tell Jasper he was right about needing to burn these clothes, when Emmett disappeared. I didn't see him leave and I knew his return would bring some embarrassment my way. He better remember the rules I laid out or this evening was over. I wanted to be able to tune out if something did happen so I asked Jasper if I could use his sunglasses for a minute. He wasn't going to give them up at first, they had become his security blanket, but I begged and he obliged.

I looked around the room and couldn't find him anywhere. As I scanned the room, I couldn't help hearing thoughts from some of the people around me, the loan sharks were getting impatient looking for a chance to grab the sweaty guy, Mr. Viagra was ready to go...good luck with that, and two guys were getting pretty close to getting into a fight over one of the stripper's honor. What gentlemen... but still no Emmett.

Just then I heard him sit down at the table and the announcer introduced the next dancers Mercedes, Kandi, and Gemini onto the stage. I glanced at Emmett from behind my glasses and he couldn't contain his smile, his face was about to burst. Quickly, I glanced at the stage to see what was happening. The girls all clad in black leather biker outfits were looking over at our table. I heard one of them think "Ooohh there he is. He's cute, This won't be so bad." It was at that moment I realized what song was playing 'Girls,Girls, Girls' by Motley Crue.

I knew I may be in trouble, but it seemed Jasper was in even more now and the poor guy didn't even see it coming..

_**Poor Jasper... Anyway hope you like it. Daddy O's is an actual online store and they have cute retro shirts for guys. I'm sure you could figure out which ones Alice picked for the guys! Love the reviews, keep them coming...**_


	15. Let the crushing begin!

**Let the crushing begin!**

**Sadly I own nothing...Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things 'Twilight' Lucky Lady!**

**Chapter 14 is new too. I goofed combined 1&2 together so read 14 first! Sorry about that... the notice just says 15 twice but 14 is new...**

**BPOV**

Rocco whisked us off to the strip club in no time. Alice knew we would beat the boys to the club with enough time to set our plan in motion. We jumped out of the limo and gave Rocco big hugs. "Thanks for everything Rocco! Take good care of the boys for us!" I yelled as we ran inside.

The strip club was just as I had pictured it in my head, dark, smoky and in general someplace I never wanted to be again, but we had a mission to complete. Alice skipped over to one of the bouncers and introduced herself. "Hi there. I'm Alice Cullen what's your name?"

He looked suspiciously at her and said "Bob – what do you want?" He was a huge man, at least 6' 5" and I didn't even want to guess his weight. He had to bend over so he could hear Alice talk. She whispered something in his ear and he shook his head "Sorry Miss, I can't help you."

Rosalie tapped him on the shoulder and waved a wad of bills under his nose "Give me break. Are you going to help us or what?" I could see why Emmett was afraid of Rosalie. She was scared of nothing on this Earth. He never even looked at the money, only her face and mumbled "OK I guess I could do that, no problem." Rosalie flung the money at him as he led us to a small door next to the stage.

Backstage at a strip club was amazing. There were rows of lighted mirrors, and every shade of every form of makeup one could imagine. The back wall was full of different outfits, costumes, shoes, hats, gloves and stockings. It was like a Broadway show. Women were running around in their underwear and throwing on different outfits to find the ones they needed.

Bob led us over to an older woman who seemed to be running the show backstage. "Betty, this is Alice Cullen and her sisters. They had something they wanted to talk to you about."

Betty turned to face us. She looked us up and down like we were a new car she was considering buying. She nodded at the three of us "Amatur night was last night, but I think you could go on tonight. We aren't expecting a huge crowd..."

Alice interrupted her "Oh thanks for the offer Betty, but we aren't here to strip. Actually we were hoping you'd help with something, do you have a minute to talk?" Alice threw her one of those dazzling vampire smiles and I knew we had her. She handed her clip board to Bob and told him to get everyone ready.

Rosalie began filling Betty in on our situation and the details of the weekend so far. She made it clear we had nothing against the stripping industry in general, that we were more angry because the guys thought they could outsmart us. When she gave Betty the details of Operation Ball Crusher, she laughed at the name of our little plan and was on board with it. She had been married a few times and understood our need to teach the guys a lesson. Alice gave her a big hug and started clapping "Where should we start??"

Betty led us back to the mirrors where most of the girls were sitting, putting the final touches on their hair and make up. She quickly called them together and filled them in on who we were and what we wanted to do. Cheers of "You go girl, and Girls Power" came from the ladies when they heard our plan.

"I want you to help these ladies in anyway possible with their mission. Do you understand?" Betty asked as she finished addressing the girls. They all nodded their heads and came over to ask questions.

Because Alice picked out their shirts, she was able to gibe them a perfect description so they could keep their eyes open. One of the girls, Amber, had to go tend bar and said when she saw them walk in she'd call back to the dressing room.

While we waited, Alice and Rosalie jumped at the chance to do my hair and makeup again, surrounded by so many tools, they dove in. If all went as planned, I would need to look my best if I was going to have the guts to go through with the final part of the operation so I let them beautify me.

We had just got the hot rollers in my hair when the phone rang backstage. It was Amber, the guys just entered the building. A girl named Bambi, dressed at a policewoman, was getting ready to go on stage next. She peeked out into the room and told us that they were sitting at a table right next to the stage. "Do you have a job for me?" She asked eagerly.

"Sure." Rosalie thought about it for a minute "Let's start their night off right for them. Bambi would you mind going over to Edward and flashing your ..._badge_ at him?" I let out a huge snort. I could just imagine his face.

"No problem!" And she turned to go on stage. As the DJ announced her name, a huge surge of fear took her breath away. Alice laughed "Poor Jasper! He is so sensitive..."

Poor, Jasper, Poor Bambi! Bob, the bouncer was telling her to get out there and she was frozen in place, terrified at the thought of going on stage. Her music started and still her feet wouldn't move. I looked at Alice "Five, Four, Three, Two...One" The fear lessened and Bob threw Bambi on stage.

Not a graceful entrance, but she was out there. I didn't dare move from the chair while Alice was taking out the makeup brush, but Rosalie snuck off to peek. She came back laughing. "Oh my gosh, Jasper is wearing sunglasses and has his eyes closed under them. Edward is sitting so close, his elbow is on the stage! And Emmett's mumbling about Bambi's 'upper body strength'! The girl is hanging, on a stripper pole, upside down, and he is impressed with her strength. What a meat-head he is!"

Luckily, Alice hadn't got to my mascara because I started laughing so hard, tears were coming down my cheeks. Bambi finished her routine and came back beaming! "Bella, He's CUTE! You are one lucky girl. I did it I flashed it at him and he and quickly turned away. Oh, Alice, you didn't tell me your husband was blind... " She said with a note of sympathy in her voice.

It was all over after that. We had to hide out faces or they would hear our howls of laughter all the way in the bar. Poor,blind, Jasper. You just had to love him. Bambi had to go out and wait tables. She promised to keep an eye on them and headed out the door.

Alice went back to doing my makeup and Rosalie started searching through the racks of clothes for outfits for us. She found a sexy red corset with garters and thigh high red leather boots. A pair of devil horns would finish off the look. If anyone could pull it off it was Rosalie. Emmett might explode. For Alice, she found a set of white angel wings and halo that she could wear with the lacy boy shorts and bustier she picked out. "I thought we should be true to our unhuman selves" she said with a smile.

Rosalie and Alice would have no problem walking, running, even surfing in those outfits with their confidence and coordination. I was, however, a complete klutz and I didn't see any way I could pull this off without falling, looking stupid, or dying from embarrassment.

Rosalie put her arm around me hearing my breathing become faster. "Bella, have we taught you nothing this weekend? We will always take care of you. There is going to be a bar fight in about 20 minutes, right before you go on stage. The only people in the audience will be the boys, and the girls behind the bar. They will be out there for moral support. As for the boys, Jasper will have his eyes tightly closed and Emmett, well let's put it this way, you will have this to hang over his head for all eternity and so will I." She gave a warm smile. There was so much love in her eyes.

She squeezed my hand and showed me my outfit. I knew as soon as I saw it, that it was the outfit Alice had showed Edward before we left Forks. It was a blue, sexy sailor suit. The skirt was _extremely_ short, barely wider than a headband I thought but ruffled at the bottom. A small white stripe went around the waist. The top was a crop top that snapped up the front, with a small white collar and the sleeves had white stripes going around the arms. A cute little sailor hat was the final touch. In her hand she had a little pair of white slippers so I wouldn't break my neck. "You did take ballet classes when you were younger right? Just use what you remember from that when you dance." Alice leaned over with a twinkle in her eyes. "You won't be dancing long Bella, he won't be able to stand it!"

I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I had to do this. It may be uncomfortable right now, but it would be hilarious if we actually pulled it off. I just pictured Edward's face and knew it would be OK. He'd never let me fall or get hurt. I knew that with all my heart.

Having new found confidence, I went to change my clothes. Alice danced to Betty's office to see how the bar fight was coming along. Rosalie went to pick out what songs we would be dancing to for our performances. The other girls were rushing on and off stage around me. I saw three girls getting into what looked like biker outfits as I walked into the dressing rooms. They must have just got there late because I didn't recognize them. I heard them talking outside the dressing room. "Can you believe how much that big guy just gave us? He must really want to show his friend a good time, and I saw him, he's cute. This will be a piece of cake. This may be our highest paying lap dance ever! Oh gosh, we're next!" Their voices were getting quieter as the walked away "I wonder if the third guy with them is really blind? That's so sad..."

Jasper, the blind guy. The big guy was Emmett. He paid them to give Edward a lap dance! I'll kill him. I will shave Emmett's head and he can wear really bad toupees for all of eternity. Half dressed, I ran out looking for the biker girls, but it was too late. I heard engines revv and 'Girls,Girls,Girls' come on the PA system. They were on stage already.

Suddenly, Alice flew out of Betty's office with a look of horror similar to mine on her face. Had she heard they were going to give Edward a lap dance? We ran to the wall where there was a security camera and we could see the whole stage and at the bottom of the screen were the boys sitting at their table.

The three strippers came on stage and didn't take their eyes off the guys table. That's when I noticed, Edward was now wearing Jasper's sunglasses! He knew it was coming and didn't want to have to look at them so he was protecting his eyes...that's my Edward. I relaxed, but Alice got even more agitated. "Damn it Emmett. Call off those piranhas!" She looked at me "All Emmett told them was what table they were sitting at and told them to give the lap dance to the guy who _wasn't_ wearing sunglasses. He didn't know while he was gone Jasper gave them to Edward. Now they're going to give Jasper the lap dance!

Rosalie had come over to watch the fall out of Emmett's plan. Poor Jasper would be collateral damage.

The girls came spinning and whirling around the pole. They looked something like a swarm of bees as the approached the guys, never breaking eye contact with Jasper. I could tell he was so shocked he stopped breathing through the whole ordeal. The blond jumped off the stage and landed behind Edward. He froze. She moved to the right and with one quick motion whipped Jasper's chair back away from the table. The other two converged on him from opposite directions. Edward's hand flew to cover his wide open mouth. Emmett was completely confused by what was happening. Edward must have read his thoughts and gently tapped his sunglasses. The light bulb went on in Emmett's head and he smacked himself. He was disappointed his plan failed, but then he folded his arms and sat back waiting for Jasper to freak out. It was only a matter of time.

Poor Alice, she watched in horror as Jasper tried very hard to hold it together. The girls were running their fingers all through his blond hair and one of them kept trying to grab his hand. The red head, threw her leg over his lap and sat down. At that moment Alice flipped out. She grabbed a rubber band and stuck her head out the door. The boys were totally distracted and looking only at Jasper.

On the other side of the stage, away from the guys, one of the waitresses was bending over, putting a drink on a table. Alice aimed the rubber band and with her vampire strength shot it across the room hitting her directly in the rear with such force that the server thought the guy in the green shirt had smacked her in the rear. She turned around furiously and dumped a drink on him. Bob the bouncer, ran over and tackled him and started to throw him out the door. That's when all hell broke loose. Punches were being thrown and everyone on that side of the room was scurrying out of the building.

The girls immediately stopped dancing around Jasper and looked to see what was going on. Apparently, the guy who was being thrown out was a friend of the biker girls because they rushed over to see what was going on. Emmett was laughing hysterically and fell down off his chair. Edward turned to make sure things were under control on the other side of the room. While his back was turned, Jasper ran off into one of the back rooms.

Alice smiled "I'll be right back." And she disappeared at vampire speed. All the girls were buzzing about the fight and I knew the moment of truth was near. Rosalie turned to me and showed me the music she had picked for me to dance to. I smiled, "That will be perfect. What did you pick for you and Alice?" When she showed me the CD all I could do was clap and bow. "Rosalie Hale, I will never get on your back side...EVER!"

Alice returned "Jasper is fine and his eyes will be closed the whole time Bella, so don't worry about him!" She ran off to make sure he was OK. Edward had realized Jasper was gone so we went looking for him. Alice told Jasper the plan and he was all for it. After what he had been put through the last two days, he decided to desert him team and join the winning side. According to Alice, he was curled up in a back room in the fetal position. It would be Edward's job to talk him out and back to the table.

"I told him to stall of five minutes. Is that enough time? Are you ready Bella?" She grabbed a brush and gave my hair a final fluff. Rosalie adjusted my outfit and popped the top snap open on my top. She stepped away and said "Perfection." Rosalie jumped into her outfit and Alice donned her angle wings. We were ready to go.

We waited to Edward and Jasper to return to the table. When they were safely seated, Betty got on the PA system and announced the final performers of the night would be taking the stage. Emmett and Edward were having a discussion I assume about leaving. Jasper just sat there with his glasses on, and eyes tightly closed I was certain. The smallest hint of a grin was on his face. Bambi walked over and said something to them. Edward sat down but his back was to the stage now. Emmett patted Jasper on the back and said something.

Rosalie got the CD ready and I stepped behind the curtain with my back to the audience. Alice ran over to me and pulled my hair around my face to hide it a bit. Then she and sprayed me with the worst cheap perfume I ever had smelled. I reeked of it. My eyes started watering. "Why did you do that?" I asked.

"So Edward can't smell you coming silly!" And with that she danced off the stage. The music started and the curtain went up.

_**Once again...Poor, blind Jasper! Hope you are laughing or at least smiling. Let me know what you think. :)**_

**_By the way: I goofed something up and combined two earlier chapters together I think 1 & 2 so technically CH 14 and 15 are the new ones. the notice only says 15 twice... Sorry!!_**


	16. Girls Girls Girls

**Girls, Girls, Girls**

_**Stephenie Meyer it the true owner of these characters. I just make them do silly things :)**_

**EPOV**

I looked on the stage and three girls came out. They never took their eyes off us. Like we were water in the desert. One of them licked her lips at Jasper. He froze in his seat. They came close and closer to our table, spinning and dipping as the approached. What had Emmett put in motion?

Suddenly I heard a thud behind me and I froze too. The blond had just jumped off the stage and was sliding over to Jasper. She reached behind his back and yanked on his chair causing it to fly away from the table. Jasper sat in stunned silence.

My hand flew over my mouth because I realized it was wide open in shock. The I heard Emmett's thoughts _'What the heck are they doing? I told them to give the dance to Edward. Actually, I guess I said the one without the s...' _He looked quickly at me and I tapped on the sunglasses that were now on my face instead of Jasper's. Emmett had left the table and never saw I had the glasses until it was too late.

Now the other two girls came off the stage and over to Jasper. They began running their fingers through his hair, and every time one of them tried to grab his hand he wrestled it out of their grasp. He was trying so hard to stay composed, but in his head he was screaming like a little girl. I figured he had about thirty more seconds until Alice's prediction came true right here in the middle of the floor.

I tried to look away but it was like a car wreck, I just couldn't look away. It was surreal, the whole thing. Suddenly, he red head, Gemini, I believe, whipped her leg over his lap and sat down. I could see him visibly trembling...it was like the smaller earthquakes warning of things to come.

There was a scream, and then shouting on the other side of the bar. One of the servers had dumped a drink on the guy in the green shirt's head and accused him of slapping he rear. Punches were flying and the girls that were groping Jasper, suddenly stopped. They must have known the guy in green and ran to his defense. The entire room cleared except for the three of us. I turned back to the table to see Emmett lying on the floor laughing so hard. I didn't know if it was the lap dance or the fight that set him off, but I couldn't worry about that right now. Jasper was gone. This was bad.

"Emmett, Emmett you big, dim, gorilla where is Jasper? Emmett, where did he go?" I had to find him, I promised Alice. Emmett pointed toward the back rooms or the club...ugh. I got up and started walking down the hallway. I knocked on the first door, hoping there would be no answer. Luckily, there was silence, I peeked in and it was empty. I turned back toward Emmett to see he had regained his ability to speak. "He went all the way to the back Edward."

I turned back to the long hallway and headed to the last door. When I opened it, Jasper was in there sitting on the floor rocking back and forth. He just kept thinking of Alice in his head. I sat on the bench next to him. "Jasper are you OK? Emmett is an idiot. He told the girls to give the lap dance to 'the guy without the glasses', but he didn't know I borrowed them until it was too late. He feels really bad." Jasper gave me a dirty look. "Well, underneath all the laughter and hysteria, I'm sure he feels rotten." Jasper gave me a weak smile. "Listen I'm ready to go, how about you? Let's go tell him. He's sitting there alone. The rest of the bar, including the biker girls headed out to the parking lot from the fight that broke out."

I offered him a hand and helped him up. He hugged me. "I love you Edward. Thanks for finding me. I hope you and Bella are as happy as Alice and I are. I think Bella is just the girl for you. She fits in this family more that you know." He was smiling now. The tragedy was over, no major harm or injury to his emotional well being. Phew, I could face Alice again.

I led him out of the back of the club, back to the table where Emmett was waiting for us. "You OK Jasper? I'm sorry man, I wanted them to get Edward, but then you switched glasses..." Jasper held up his hand, "Don't worry about it Emmett. I'm fine, actually I'm better than fine I'm great. There's nothing for me to forgive, it was a mistake. All is forgiven, if you give me the sunglasses back immediately." I was relieved to see Jasper was feeling better. He was actually exuding happiness for the first time all weekend. At least we wouldn't bring him home to Alice as a basket case.

"Come on guys, let's get out of here. I think we can say our guys weekend was a success and is now officially, over." I stood up to leave. The announcer came back over the PA to say the last dancers of the evening were taking the stage. Bambi walked over to settle our tab " Guys, you aren't leaving are you? You're the only ones left. Could you just stay for the last act? She's new and it might hurt her feelings if the room was empty. It's not her fault that guy started a fight..." She put her lip out in a little pout.

"Come on Edward we lasted this long, let's hang in there for one more." I looked to Jasper "What do you think?"

"I'll stay!" He said with a laugh. Emmett patted him on the back for his bravery.

I sat back down at the table. I turned my chair so my back was to the stage. I had really seen enough scantily clad women to last me a life time, and in my case that was quite a long time. I looked at the lights on the bar and wondered to myself what Bella was doing right now? Was she enduring yet another round of Bella Makeover at the hands of Rosalie and Alice? Did she miss me as much as I missed her?

The music started, quietly and slowly. It was a very different song that the others had been. This girl must be new, perhaps artsy even. I knew it was a matter of seconds before I knew what she was wearing without even looking. Emmett had continued his 'Rosalie as a stripper' fashion show in his head even though I had asked him to stop. I saw her as the police officer, the cow girl, the nurse, the teacher, the biker girl, and a belly dancer. I was waiting for the next installment to materialize in his head when I heard it. Emmett gasped... and so did I when suddenly the picture that danced in his head wasn't his wife, it was my Bella and she was wearing the outfit in Alice's vision.

I hissed to him "Emmett you _are_ a toe sucking pervert! If you want to have unclean thoughts about your own wife that is fine but you will not put those clothes on my Bella do you understand? I can read your thoughts. I have been reading them for the last 75 years. What makes you think I wouldn't see this one. So, do you want to tell Rose about this or should I?" Quickly the image changed. Now Bella was holding her finger to her lips telling him to hush."Emmett Cullen are you listening to me? Stop fantasizing about Bella right now!"

I heard a sigh behind me, very close behind me and smelled some of the worst perfume ever. This girl must have swam in it before taking the stage! I stopped breathing to protect my sense of smell from complete devastation and turned around...

**That's it for now! More later:)**


	17. Victorious

**Victorious **

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I bow down to her...**

_OK- you guys are seriously cracking me up with your reviews. My poor family has no dinner as I try and write this next chapter. I hope you like it. I feel a bunch of pressure!!!! OK I hope you like the song I picked for Bella- I think you can tell from the end of last chapter it's not your typical stripper song but I just couldn't see her doing that. Alice and Rosalie will come through in the end and their song (some of you have guessed correctly already) is funny. Enjoy..._

**BPOV**

I could hear the first few notes of 'When you're Gone' by Avril Lavigne before the curtain came up. Rosalie had picked it for me so I could dance without killing myself. I channeled my inner ballerina that I hadn't seen in many years. I tried to remember all the spins and lines I had learned in ballet class to make my body look long and beautiful.

The curtain came up, and I took a deep breath. I kept my back to them, I wasn't read to look yet, I just might hurl. I swayed from side to side with the music at first and ran my hands down the sides of my body. After that, instincts took over. Some of Alice's lightness and Rosalie's grace must have rubbed off on me this weekend because I was able to move smoothly across the floor without falling off stage.

I still hadn't turned to face them yet, but I realized it was now or never. Slowly, I turned around. I kept my chin to my chest so my hair fell like a veil over my face. I sauntered my way over to the pole in the middle of the runway. I thought to myself _'Please don't hurt yourself, just do what the girls showed you backstage, it was easy. Grab the pole and spin, no pain, no bloodshed.'_ I grabbed the pole with my left hand, placed my foot at the base of the pole and allowed myself to free fall around it.

Amazingly, the next thing I knew I was standing right where I had started, I spun and didn't die. However during the spinning, my hair brushed away, exposing my face. I looked up and saw Emmett's face staring back at me. He let out a huge gasp and then his eyes nearly exploded from his head. Jasper was also facing me, but I knew the only thing he was looking at were his eyelids. He had a big smile on his face anticipating Edward's reaction. I took one more spin on the pole to get my confidence up, and then I turned to the table.

There he was, my Edward. He was sitting with his back to the stage, not wanting to see anymore of the evenings' shows. He was banging his hand on the table saying something to Emmett, but couldn't hear over the music yet. Emmett was paying no attention, he was staring at me and I don't think he was even breathing. I winked over at Amber and Bob the bouncer who were the only two people left in the room. They gave a thumbs up and left.

Alice's perfume trick must have worked because Edward's head didn't spin around as I crept closer to him. I raised my finger to my lips for Emmett to keep quiet and not say anything. I didn't want him to ruin the surprise. I wanted to see Edward's face when he figured it out, and from the looks of it, he was paying no attention to what was going on behind him.

I walked right to edge of the stage behind Edward's head and took off my little sailor hat and flung it onto the table at Emmett. He grabbed his chest like he was having a heart attack. I bent down right next to Edward's ear and sighed. "Come here often sailor?"

I could tell he stopped breathing before he turned around, probably from the horrible perfume Alice doused me in, but again, it worked and bought me the two seconds I needed to compose myself while he turned to face me.

I was inches away from his beautiful face but when he saw me. He had such a frightened look on his face like he was expecting a three headed dog to be standing behind him. He didn't move or say anything. I stood up and took a few steps back in case he was going to start yelling, but nothing. He look over at Emmett and then back at me. "Do you see her too Emmett or have I completely gone mental?" He must think he's hallucinating. I let out a chuckle.

"I see her Edward, wow do I see her!" Emmett said with a hypnotized tone in his voice.

I has to break his silence it was killing me. "Hi there Eddie. Come here often?" I asked in my sweetest voice while taking another spin on the pole. This time when he heard my voice he reached out like he wanted to touch me and see if I was real, still not believing Emmett could see me too.

"Bella? What,... How,... When,...WHY in the name of God are up there stripping? " It took him a minute but he finally found his voice. He jumped up out of his chair and was about to come on stage.

"Freeze Eddie!" I yelled with my hand out. "Don't you take one step onto this stage or my new friend Bob is going to have to throw you out. Didn't you read the signs?" I pointed at one of the 'Keep your hands to yourself' signs.

"If you think that ridiculous sign is going to stop me..." He growled, but I interrupted. I had to stop him. He had to stay down at the table.

I grabbed my top with both hands and he froze in place. "Edward Cullen, take another step and these snaps are going to come undone and Emmett is going to get to see _way more of me_ that you would like!" He took a step toward the stage to test me and without breaking his gaze I popped the next snap.

"Bella! Stop it. I won't move. I swear..." He put his hands up to show he was unarmed.

"Go get her Edward! Don't let her tell you what to do." Emmett yelled. Jasper smacked him.

Edward didn't see the humor and let out a huge growl. Jasper was giggling now to himself, still completely blind to the scene before him. "Jasper this is anything but funny! Stop laughing." Edward was starting to lose control. Time to finish this.

"So Eddie, whose idea was it to come to the strip club? If you lie, I pop a snap, and I only have three left so be very careful. Oh, and remember I have Alice on my side... " I wanted to see if he'd admit he convinced the others to come when they were ready to back out or if he'd throw Emmett under the bus.

"It was Emmett. It was his idea from the beginning. As soon as you girls left for your weekend he had the idea, we rented the car, and headed out on this insane adventure. Then Alice called and threatened all of us. It's the truth, I swear." He was pleading his case to the fullest.

POP.

"Bella what are you doing I didn't lie!"

"If the girls called and threatened you, then how are you here right now? Who's idea was it to go against their wishes and come anyway? HMMMM?" I had him. He couldn't even look me in the face. He started pulling at a string on his shirt.

"Well, I guess it was kind of... me?" He looked up sheepishly like a kids caught with his hand in the cookie jar, a naked stripper cookie jar...

"Thank you for admitting the truth. You should really apologize to Emmett for lying about him." I knew this would almost kill him, but I had to put the screws to him and it was too easy.

His face dropped, knowing he was stuck, and turned to Emmett "Sorry I lied about you Emmett and tarnished your good name within the family." His voice was thick with sarcasm.

"No problem Edward. I am a very forgiving man. And by the way have I told you how lovely your future bride looks this evening?" Emmett pushed it too far. Edward was over the table before I could even catch my breath and had Emmett in a headlock.

"Edward let him go. Now." His eyes flew to me and I stretched the elastic of my half open shirt a bit harder, threatening another snap.

"Fine, Fine what more do you want? I admitted I talked them into coming here. I thought it would be fun, and I wanted to make them happy. Was that so wrong?" He was pleading with me and it started to work. I felt bad for him and then the stinker tried to completely un-arm me by flashing me his best dazzling smile. "You look beautiful Bella."

I started to get foggy, fight it Bella, fight. I cleared my head and popped the next snap. "That's for not playing fair! No dazzling when you're in trouble. I have one more question and you better answer correctly or Emmett gets and eye full!" I took two steps toward him and put my hands on my hips.

"Who wins this weekend's battle of the sexes? I'll even give you a hint, because I'm such a sweet girl. The winners are also the most brilliant, sneaky, underhanded, all knowing, all powerful, genius, beautiful and intelligent women you know who should never again be underestimated. Do you have your answer or do you need a minute to think?" I was grinning from ear to ear. I could hear the musical laughter of Alice from behind the curtain she was please with my final question. Making Edward admit defeat was cruel and unusual, but so entertaining I couldn't stop.

I kept a firm grip in my top, just in case he tried any funny vampire stuff, but he looked at Emmett, and Emmett shrugged his shoulder and bowed his head in defeat. Edward turned to me and simply said "You, Alice and Rosalie win." I was so happy I started jumping up and down and clapping. Then I realized I was a fraction of a second away from a major wardrobe malfunction and started snapping back up.

When I looked back down, Edward was flashing my favorite crooked grin but he was also crouched down ready to pounce. I knew that look in his eye..."Edward don't you dare! You stay down there or I'll scream and if I do good old Bob will come flying in. I am one of his girls to protect for the night you know..." I didn't even get to finish my tirade. I felt his cold hands grab me and I flew through the air. When I stopped moving I was in his arms, still on stage. He was holding me tight, so I wrapped my legs around his waist and threw my arms around his neck. His skin felt so cool on mine and I didn't realize how much I missed him until that second.

"So Eddie, do you like my outfit?" I wasn't ready to stop teasing him yet.

"You know I do Bella. I've been thinking about it ever since Alice showed it to me." He said as he kissed my cheek.

"Did you like my routine? I didn't even get hurt _and_ I spun on the pole really well." I beamed with pride.

"No, Bella I missed most of your performance. I was busy accusing my brother of being a pervert and fantasizing about my fiancée." My face blushed for the first time since we got to the club. "Maybe I can get a private show later so I can see what I missed..." He leaned in and his lips gently brushed against mine. "Sure..." I muttered not even thinking.

"EH-HEM" We heard Alice over the PA clear her throat. "We do have one more act this evening if you two could come up for air and clear the stage please!"

In the blink of an eye, I was down at the boys table sitting in my favorite spot on Earth, Edward's lap. He turned his chair so we could see the stage. I leaned over to Jasper, "Alice said it's safe to take off your glasses Jasper." Slowly, he removed them and glanced at me. Edward had removed his shirt and thrown it over my shoulders to keep me warm and covered as I sat with him. Jasper kissed my cheek. "You're the best Bella."

Rosalie's voice came over the mike..."Emmett my dear husband, this song is dedicated to you. Enjoy!"

I buried my face in Edward's shoulder because I was laughing so hard. He pulled my chin up to his face, I looked into his gorgeous eyes and said "Just watch Emmett's face!"

The music blared, fast and hard. This song was nothing like the one I danced to. I could feel Edward shaking with laughter, he knew the song immediately. It was Pink's 'U +UR Hand'. Poor Emmett...

The curtain came up and there was Rosalie in those thigh high boots. She owned the stage. Emmett let out a huge whistle when he saw her, but then had a tormented look on his face. On one hand, he loved how Rosalie looked, who wouldn't. Even a blind Jasper could have appreciated her beauty. But then, as he listened to the lyrics and realized what song she dedicated to him, he became more and more distraught. Again, he started pleading with her "Please Rosie, please..." She ignored him as she continued doing moves that not only required remarkable upper body strength, but major flexibility.

Behind her, little Alice danced around smiling with her eyes fixed on Jasper. After a minute or two she could no longer stand being away from him and flew into his arms. They shared one of their private moments and Edward and I looked back at Rosalie. She walked over to Emmett and finally said with authority, "Emmett Cullen you are in so much trouble. How dare you come here when I specifically told you not to. I hope you were listening when I told you what the consequences would be. If you missed them, just listen to the song and the memory should come flooding back." She gracefully strutted her way back to the pole for another flip.

Emmett jumped up on his chair "Rose, baby, what can I do to make it up to you...Please Rosalie...I'll do anything!" As soon as the words flew from his lips I could tell he wanted to take them back, but it was too late. Rosalie smiled her famous wicked smile and waved her finger at him to come on stage.

Hoping all was forgiven, he ran to her and tried to give her a big kiss, but Rosalie was too fast. She clamped her hand over his mouth just before it touched her lips. "Dream on Emmett...but you can start making it up to me if you were to, oh I don't know...strip! Right here, Right now."

"Ha ha Rosalie, no one want to see me..." he was cut of by a chant from the remaining crowd.

"Strip! Strip! Strip!" The four of us at the table were on our feet.

Emmett rolled his eyes "Please Rosalie don't make me do this in front of them. Let's go back to the hotel and I'll give you a private show." He tried to be cute but Rosalie shook her head.

"I personally don't want to see you strip for my enjoyment. My goal is to see you embarrassed in front of the rest of our siblings and the stripping is the way do to it. Drop em Emmett or get used to cold showers baby." She ran her hands down her body to show him what he was missing and shrugged.

"Oh my God, I can't believe I am going to do this. I am such a chump! One of these days I will get my self respect back, but it won't be until _Rosalie_ allows me to have it that's for sure." He stormed around the stage muttering to himself. "We know who wears the pants in this marriage...and the really sweet red thigh high boots. Any chance of keeping those Rose??" He threw her a wink.

Edward held me close and whispered in my ear "She's about to cave. I knew she couldn't stay mad at him." I turned on his lap to face him "She may forgive him, but he will strip, that much I am sure of. I learned a lot from your sisters this weekend, you better watch out." He took my face in his hands and kissed me, so long I came up gasping for air. He smiled and toughed my bright red cheek. "Boy have I missed you!"

When I turned back around, Rosalie had pulled a chair on stage and was sitting in it facing Emmett who was having a debate in his head, should I or shouldn't I? He was going back and forth until Rosalie got out of her chair, whispered something in his ear that made him flustered.

He got a very serious look in his eyes and started moving, really well. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his arms. He gave Rosalie a sexy look and threw the shirt to her. She laughed and caught it. He then took a few turns on the pole, not as gracefully as Rosalie, but the boy had skills. He walked right up to Rose and ripped the black tank off his chest. Alice whistled, I stood up and clapped loudly. Jasper and Edward howled and slapped the table.

That move was very effective in weakening Rosalie's defenses. She started fanning herself like she was getting overheated. When he started going for the pants I had to look away. I definitely didn't need to see that much of Emmett, ever!

I leaned over to Edward "Do I even want to know what she whispered before?" He turned to me with a puzzled look on his face "She said she already had a really great dance with a hot pirate today so he better get moving and make her forget about him." He was slowly putting two and two together in his head. He took a breath to speak and I knew what question was coming so I kissed him, hard, and I didn't stop. I had to distract him and this was the only way I knew how at the moment. I spun around in his lap and threw my arms around his neck and clamped my legs behind his back. My hands started running slowly up and down his body and his breathing picked up. Good, it was working. He was smiling as I kissed him which meant my chance was almost over, but I broke the kiss and whispered in his ear. "Want to get out of here?"I

"More than you know..." he answered breathlessly.

I smiled at Alice and she winked at me. "See you at breakfast you two." Jasper was still looking lovingly into her eyes. Edward gave her a nod in answer to some unspoken question and we got up from the table.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw what I believe was Emmett's left butt cheek! I grabbed Jasper's sunglasses to protect my eyes and ran out the door with Edward.

_**Hope you laughed... I know I did! Thanks for all the demands for updates today. You are such a patient bunch...just kidding :)**_

_**I'll wrap it up in another chapter or two... Reactions? Reviews? Discuss!**_


	18. Sunrise

**Sunrise**

**I own nothing :( Stephenie Meyer owns them all. **

**BPOV**

We ran out the door of the club, laughing and not daring to look back. The image of Emmett was burned into my memory and just made me laugh. He really gave it his all when Rosalie laid out the challenge to him and I have to say from what I saw, he definitely out danced the pirate from earlier tonight.

Standing in front of the club, a huge gust of wind hit me and I realized I was standing there in Edward's shirt and a tiny sailor suit underneath. I jumped behind Edward for cover. He looked over at me laughing "Now you're suddenly modest? You didn't seem to care when snaps were flying open a few minutes ago." I smacked his shoulder.

"That was for you, not the rest of the greater Las Vegas area!" Then I realized we had no car, we both took the limo and there were no taxi's to be seen at the moment. "How are we getting out of here? I am not going back in there. God only knows what state Emmett is in now!" I shuddered at the thought.

"Patience Bella. Alice, of course, took care of everything." As he bent to kiss me, I heard a car pull up next to us.

"Good evening Miss Bella." Rocco said with a bow. "Was your evening a success?" He gave me a wink.

"Of course Rocco. These guys didn't stand a chance!" I laughed and jumped in the car. Sitting on the seat was a box and a note.

_Bella,_

_You can't go anywhere looking and smelling like a stripper. Slip this dress over your 'outfit' and head to the Luxor. The room key is in the box. Go shower that horrible perfume off of you. Edward can only hold his breath for so long! There is an overnight bag in the room with PJ's and clothes for tomorrow. We'll see you at breakfast._

_Operation Ball Crusher – complete! Well done._

_Alice and Rosalie_

I tucked the note safely down my shirt. "Sorry Edward, not for you, it's between me and my sisters. Stay there. I need a human moment please." I slammed the door shut, but I could still see him, through the tinted window, laughing. As I unbuttoned the shirt of his I was wearing, I noticed for the first time that he was standing there in nothing but jeans and a black tank top. He was gorgeous, drop dead gorgeous. I took a minute to admire his amazing body and then threw the dress over my head, straightened up my hair, and opened the door. "I am presentable now, you may come on in."

He was in the car in an instant and had me on his lap. I handed him the key from the box. "I thought you looked really sexy before, to tell you the truth." Again, my cheeks blushed and he smiled as he ran his fingers over my cheek.

Changing the subject completely before I died of embarrassment "Alice took care of everything. She even sent us the the opposite end of the strip as Rosalie and Emmett, for your mental health I'm sure!" I teased him with a smirk.

He grinned and then looked over my shoulder and spoke to Rocco "You know where you're going I assume Rocco?" He already knew the answer. "Of course. Enjoy the ride." And with that, he raised the privacy divider in the limo and Edward leaned over and kissed me, making my heart race. It felt so good to be in his arms, I never wanted to leave them again.

It felt like the trip took about thirty seconds and it was over much too soon. Again, I straightened up my hair as we got out of the car. For some reason, Edward started laughing.

"What's so funny? You can't see the sailor outfit under this dress can you?" I became paranoid and spun around trying to check and make sure I was covered.

"No love, your clothes are well hidden, it's just that, well, you do still _smell_ like a stripper! You may turn a few heads once we get inside. What did Alice apply that perfume with anyway, a paintbrush?"

I rolled my eyes at him and stomped into Luxor. He kissed my hand as he led me to the elevators. I couldn't stay mad at him, I has teased him so much this evening it was his turn. He pushed the button for the top floor. That Alice...

Our was a beautiful suite, decorated like something out of ancient Egypt. I threw open the curtains to take in the view from the top of the hotel. Edward just watched me, laughing every time I said "OOHH Edward look at this..." . I would never get used to traveling with the Cullens, they did nothing half way.

I found the overnight bag on the bed. A shower would feel so amazing right now, I could wash away the remnants of my stripping career and turn back into just plain Bella. Having checked out the bathroom on my self led tour of the room, I also knew the shower was AWESOME. Jets spraying in every direction and delicious smelling shampoo. Ready to jump in, I grabbed the bag and headed for the bathroom door.

I felt to cold hands grab me around the waist. "Where do you think you are going"" He whispered in my ear.

"I'm going to clean up. I smell like a skunk. Just let me retire my slutty little sailor outfit and call it a day... Eddie." He spun me around to face him and started kissing my shoulder.

"What do you plan on doing with your souvenir from the strip club?" he asked in his most innocent voice. My eyes narrowed as I looked at him, and then I smiled. "Save it for our honeymoon!"

I gave him a kiss on the cheek and headed for the showers. It had been a long day, and it was starting to catch up with me. I took a nice hot shower, and scrubbed every inch of my body with soap for a good 5 minutes trying to wash away the smell of smoke and perfume. Quickly, I lathered my hair and rinsed so I could get back to Edward.

The overnight bag was sitting on the counter when I got out of the shower and all of a sudden I realized I was Alice's mercy. Whatever she packed be it lacy, ruffled, transparent, or leather...whatever it was, I had to wear it. My only other choice was the stripper outfit and I couldn't imagine which would be worse. Slowly, I unzipped the bag and held my breath.

Inside was a simple white t shirt and a pair of comfy shorts, just what I would have chosen if I were in my room at home. I peeked at the clothes she packed for the morning and again, I was pleasantly surprised. With new enthusiasm, I got dressed in my PJ's, brushed my teeth and with my hair still wrapped in a towel, went out to see Edward. He was leaning back on the bed waiting for me to emerge from the bathroom.

"Clean as a whistle!" I jumped onto the bed and crawled over to him. "Smell me..." and I leaned my neck right in front of his face. I heard him take a deep breath in and then felt his cold breath exhale onto my skin. It was the greatest feeling.

"MMMM almost good enough to eat." He answered playfully. The towel fell off my head and sent my hair cascading across his shoulder. Gently, he started kissing my neck.

"Watch it vampire boy. Keep your teeth to yourself. We have a deal and you're not backing out remember? I was able to cross stripper off my list of 'human experiences' I still had left to complete, but there are a few more really BIG ones I'm looking forward to..." Less than two weeks until the wedding, our honeymoon and until I was changed and became his forever. My heart fluttered with anticipation.

He heard it and started smiling "I can't hardly wait to make you my wife and love you forever." His hand was on the back of my neck and in one fluid motion, he flipped me, gently laying me down and placing my head on the pillow. I curled up to his chest where he cradled me the rest of the night.

Exhausted as I was, I refused to sleep, I didn't want this night to end. From our bed, we watched the sun slowly come up over the mountains showering us with beautiful shades of yellow and orange. A new day, one day closer to forever with Edward.

I rolled over to face him. His eyes were brilliant in the morning sun that shone through the window. I gave him one last kiss and then sat up. "Come on Eddie, we have to go find everyone so we can head home. If I'm late, Charlie will kill me!" As I tried to stand up, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down onto the bed. His beautiful, smiling face was an inch away from mine when he whispered "You know I really hate it when you call me Eddie." The twinkle in his eyes was dazzling me.

I refused to break his gaze or blink. My eyes bore back into his and I whispered back in a breathless voice "No you don't." I gave his nose a kiss, jumped off the bed and skipped to change my clothes. I could hear his low chuckle as I walked away.

_**A short one. One more chapter left... sigh**_


	19. The gift that keeps on giving

**The Gift that Keeps on Giving**

**That lucky lady Stephenie Meyer owns these fabulous characters. I just sent them to Vegas for the weekend!**

****

_Here's the last chapter in the story, I have a tear in my eye... I appreciate so much all of your reviews. They really kept me laughing and motivated to write all of this. _

**BPOV**

While I changed my clothes, Edward made a quick phone call. It sounded like he arranged to have the mustang brought over to the Luxor parking garage so we could safely get back to Alice on this beautiful, sunny day. We gathered up our things and headed downstairs. The black mustang was waiting when we entered the garage. It was a beautiful car and I jumped right in. "Now this is a car!" I said as I sat on the black leather seats. My hand ran gently across the dashboard.

The engine roared when Edward turned the key. Smiling he said "At least now I know what to get you as a wedding present." He stepped on the gas and the tires screeched as we tore out of the garage onto Las Vegas Blvd. The engine purred down the street and all I could say was "And as my gift to you, I won't even be mad at you when you buy it!" His laughter filled the car.

We pulled up to the Bellagio a short time later. A confused look crossed his face as he held the steering wheel. Then he shook his head and smiled. "They're all waiting for us. Emmett is especially excited to see you this morning." He winked at me and got out of the car.

Emmett. How would I ever face him again? He would never let me live this down. My face was hot, and I got a little dizzy from all the rushing blood. The door flew open and Edward was there offering me his hand. As he pulled me out of the car he said "Gotcha! Now we're even for the whole _Eddie_ thing."

I gave him a little punch in the shoulder and then took his hand in mine. "Well, let's get this over with, Where are they?"

Like it was somehow obvious, he muttered "Where else? The buffet." Confusion must have taken over my face because I opened my mouth to ask a question and all that came out was "HHUUHH??"

"Come on Bella, let's not keep Alice waiting. I think she has something for you..."

We followed signs for the buffet. What a bunch of vampires were doing at a buffet was beyond me. A big sign marked the entrance and since it was early, there weren't too many people down there yet. At a table in the back I saw Alice, Jasper and Rosalie. Jasper and Alice were sitting across from each other, their interlocked hands sitting on top of the table. Rosalie was seated next to Alice. Jasper waved, he looked so much better that he had last night. An evening with Alice had worked wonders.

But there was no sign of Emmett, has Rosalie killed him? Or was the little pirate back at Treasure Island, grounded by his wife.

We passed the dessert section of the buffet on the way to the table when I heard a voice behind me boom "Good morning Bella. So what did you two crazy kids do last night?" Behind us, was Emmett carrying the largest plate of food I'd ever seen. He had piled bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns and pastries about a foot high on the plate.

Without dropping a single piece of food, he balanced the platter all the way back to the table and set it in front of an empty chair."What are you going to do with all that food Emmett?" I asked as I sat down across from the food. Emmett slipped into the chair next to Rosalie and pushed the plate of food at me.

"Me, nothing. Yuck! I got it for you Bella. I wouldn't want my human sister to starve. I'm sure you worked up quite an appetite after last night..." Edward growled "Watch it Emmett."

"Hey it's not my fault she came to Vegas and Alice and Rosalie turned her into a stripper! Yell at them. I was just as shocked as you when I saw her dancing on the stage..." Emmett's voice trailed off as he relived the memory in his head. A piece of greasy bacon smacked him in the face thanks to Edward's quick hands.

"You're just jealous because you had you back turned to the stage and missed the whole thing. I guess being such a gentleman finally bit you in the butt Edward!" Edward was glaring at Emmett, but he didn't even notice. He was holding his stomach from laughing. "Because I love you man, I will replay the whole show in my head anytime you ask so you can enjoy it. Consider it my gift to you."

Edward's jaw was clamped shut. Gritting his teeth he said "Thank you so much Emmett for the offer. However would you like me to share with Rosalie your color commentary that also runs in your head when you remember it? I'm sure she'd love to hear what you were thinking when Bella turned around..." Smack. A piece of sausage bounced off the side of Emmett's head, this time courtesy of Rosalie.

"Stop throwing my breakfast at Emmett guys. It was my hair brained idea to strip, and you have to admit, it is kind of funny that the only person who actually saw it was Emmett. Jasper had blinded himself, and Edward you did have you back turned, too bad, you would have enjoyed it. Of course, I'm sure I will never live this down will I Emmett?" I raised my eyebrows at him. Hopefully the fact that I defended him to his Rose and Edward will move him to cut me some slack.

Before he could answer Rosalie shoved him. "Don't worry about it Bella. We talked about this last night, didn't we Emmett. Isn't there something you'd like to say to your almost _sister_??"She emphasized the last word.

With his head bowed sorrowfully, he sighed, as he spoke I could tell he was reciting a memorized script written, I'm sure, by Rosalie. "Sorry I looked at you like a piece of meat Bella. It was rude and disrespectful of me to think those things about you, not to mention disgusting knowing that in 12 days you will be my sister for eternity. I promise..." there was a long pause as he hesitated. Rose elbowed him hard in the side "...that I will not ever tease you about it again. If I do, tell Rosalie and she will kill me, set my Jeep up in flames in the front yard while I watch,... Rose, what was the third one? Oh yeah- no more playing pirate." As he said the last one, he stuck out his bottom lip and looked like someone had kicked his puppy.

I mouthed a silent 'Thank you' to Rosalie and she leaned over and gave Emmett a peck on the cheek."Good Boy Em." The silence at the table was broken by Alice's giggling. "Funny you should mention Bella's striptease..."

My eyes flashed to Edward for some hint at what was coming next. He was shaking his head back and forth. "Listing the countries of the world circa 1950 in reverse alphabetical order? This must be a good one." Jasper sent a wave of calm to keep me from running away from the table.

A small package about the size of a book was in her hand. She slid it across the table to Edward. He picked it up and twirled it in his hands. "And what is this Alice?"

"A gift for you from Bob the bouncer at the strip club."

What in the world would the bouncer have given Edward? A book on stripping? Strange, but nothing Alice would need to keep Edward out of her mind for. I felt another huge wave of calm from Jasper, the explanation must be bad.

"Well what is it?" Edward as making a slightly disgusted face now, I'm sure he too was trying to imagine what it might be.

"It's the surveillance tape from the club last might. From _inside_ the club..." Alice was watching him intently waiting for the light bulb in his head to go off. In the blink of an eye, the tape vanished from his hands and my head slammed down onto the table in humiliation.

"No,no,no,no,no,NOOOOOOOOO" I wailed. I put my hands over my head so I could drown out the hysterical laughter going on around me. Even with my head covered, I could still feel the table's violent shaking from Emmett's hand slapping it over and over in glee. I felt a hand gently rubbing my back, trying to pull me upright, I refused to move.

"Bella love, please sit up." He was whispering in my ear now.

"Movie night tonight! Movie night every night. I'll make the popcorn." I heard a 'whap' and knew Emmett had more food thrown at him. "Hey, that was gross. I have scrambled egg in my hair now Edward."

Jasper was doing his best to calm me and remove my feelings of humiliation. I sat up but kept my face covered. Edward gently took my blushing, hyperventilating face in his hands. I uncovered my eyes to see him smiling at me sweetly. "I promise I will destroy it...after I get to see it, just once OK? You did say it was too bad I missed it. Please..." Darn that dazzling vampire. All I could see were his eyes and feel his breath on my face. "Fine," I surrendered "but if it ends up on the Internet" I turned and was speaking directly to Emmett now "When I am changed, I will spend every day of my newborn year kicking your ass Emmett Cullen!" If he had been scared of Rosalie earlier, he was down right terrified of me now.

Edward gave me a laugh and a high five and Rosalie reached across the table and shook my hand. Emmett bowed his head to me in defeat.

Suddenly I had a thought that made a big smile come across my face. "Alice, how much did Bob put on the tape? Do we have any video of Emmett's little performance that we could post in the Forks video yearbook?" Alice shook her head no. She glared at Emmett. "Sadly Bella, Emmett's performance went to far into the XXX range so Bob destroyed it, for the good of mankind!" Emmett let our a huge sigh of relief.

Th esilence was broken by Alice clearing her throat.

"Now what Alice!" I heard Edward exclaim. "How bad is this one?" My eyes became huge and I started blushing in anticipation of what was coming next.

"This one isn't from me either. It was delivered this morning, for you Bella." A huge box appeared on the table. Where had she been hiding this? It was a blue box, with a giant red and white ribbon on top.

My legs wouldn't move. Glancing over at Edward, he simply shrugged "She's doing advanced Calculus now. I'd say open it at your own risk." That certainly wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"I'll open it for you Bella" Emmett offered. Somehow I knew it would be ten times worse if he did it, so I jumped to my feet and yanked the lid off the box. I looked and the contents and immediately knew who and where it was from.

Now would be the moment I died, I thought to myself. _If I just stopped breathing for long enough, I would pass out, surely hit my head on the table and need to go to the emergency room and get 10 -15 stitches if I was lucky. Edward and everyone would panic with all the blood and in all the ruckus the package would get lost and I'd be in the clear. It had to work...it was my only hope._ I held my breath, closed my eyes and waited to faint.

It was taking way too long. I felt Edward rise to his feet out of concern, he had noticed I stopped breathing. "Bella, Bella what is it?" He must have looked in the box and saw the contents. "What's the big deal? It's just a pair of boots and this..."

I slowly opened my eyes to see him standing next to me with my favorite crooked grin on his face... and a cowboy hat perched proudly on his head.

Rosalie let our a scream of laughter and Alice was clapping her hands and giggling. Edward, Emmett and Jasper exchanged confused looks trying to figure out what was the big joke they were missing.

A huge laugh burst from my chest. The whole scene was so absurd! If Edward only knew what was sitting on his head right now he wouldn't be wearing it so proudly. I kept looking from his face to the hat. I could see black signatures on the hat, but he must have missed that when he threw it on his head.

Edward thought we were laughing at how he looked in the hat because after a while he slid it off and mumbled "I don't see what's so funny..." He started examining the hat in his hand and saw the writing. Furious eyes flashed in my direction. He started reading the message out loud.

"Bella baby, Hope you had a fun weekend. Next time you're in town stop in for another _ride_. Love, Matthew and the rest of the guys from... The Thunder Down Under?!" The most horrified look crossed his face as he finished. The hat fell out of his hands and rolled into Emmett's lap. Emmett threw it to Rosalie like it was a hot potato.

It wasn't funny, he was upset, but it I couldn't stop laughing. I could feel Jasper trying to calm Edward down which only made me laugh more. Emmett was hooting and hollering on the floor. Alice and Rosalie got up and came over and hugged Edward. "Sorry Edward, we know you're mad, but it was so much fun. By the way, you may not want to hear this, but she looked fantastic up on stage!" I was biting my lip trying to not laugh, I could tell he was trying very hard to calm down..

A growl came from Edward. "We'll meet you guys in the lobby." Knowing they had been dismissed, the four of them, grabbed the box with the boots and left. Edward picked up the hat off the table and put it on my head. "Don't forget your gift." he said with disgust.

I took the hat off my head and moved closer to him. Slowly, I slipped it back onto his head and wrapped my arms around his neck. He stood stiffly, staring over my shoulder into the distance rather than look me in the face. I pressed my body as close to him as I could, in the middle of a public buffet. "Edward, you know I love you, only you." I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled it to mine. His eyes were sad and unbelieving. I had to make him smile. "Come on Edward, look at it this way, at least we both have stripper clothes to pack for the honeymoon. That should make things interesting." I used the sexiest voice I could muster. "Do you forgive me?" I brushed my lips gently against his lips.

"Fine, but I'm keeping the video!" He swept me up into his arms and kissed me. I could feel the smile on his lips as I kissed him and knew all was forgiven.

"Let's get going before anything else happens! After you madame." Like a good cowboy, he removed his hat as I walked away from the table and them out it back on his head.

"You know Eddie, you're the sexiest cowboy I've met all weekend!"

"Keep laughing Bella." He teased as we walked to the lobby.

"I knew you couldn't stay mad Edward! I hope you had fun Bella on our girls weekend." Alice beamed.

"Thank you both for the craziest weekend of my life." I hugged them both with all my might.

"Who's riding home with who?" I asked "Girls going back in one car and the guys in the other?"

As we walked out to the valet, Rosalie answered."No...actually Bella, Emmett and I are going back in my car and Alice and Jasper are returning the mustang to the rental place." She shot Edward a look and he gave her the slightest of nods. He didn't want me to see it, but I knew something was up.

"Well then how the heck are we getting home?" The words were no sooner out of my mouth and I heard it. The purr of the engine... he didn't! A brand new shiny, blue mustang came flying around the corner with a bow on top.

"What did you DO Edward!" I gasped. The valet shook his head as he walked up with the keys and dropped then into Edward's hand. "Sweet car sir!"

"Oh it's not mine, it's hers" He gave a nod in my direction. I felt him take my hand from my side as he laid the keys in my hand. "You said you wouldn't be mad Bella. This is _my_ gift to you. Way better than a stupid hat don't you think?"

I jumped into his arms and started kissing him. "I love you Mr. Cullen"

"I love you too Mrs. Cullen" I let out a small sigh as he said it.

Alice screamed from the rental car "Let's get a move on you two. Don't make me hose you down, we have a wedding to plan!"

Emmett's head popped out of the passenger's window of Rosalie's car "Race you guys home!"

I jumped behind the wheel of my shiny, new car. I heard Emmett yelling "On your mark..."

Alice and Jasper squealed away.

"Oh come on you big cheaters. OK, never mind them. Bella ready? On your mark...get set..." I glanced at Edward and winked, he nodded and I slammed down on the gas. The car flew past Rosalie's and I heard Emmett screaming "CHEATERS!" out the window.

_**Thank you thank you to all of you who have reviewed, and tagged this silly story as a favorite. I hope if you have a bad day and need a laugh, you'll re-read it to cheer up. I have another idea floating in my head but it might be a bit before I start it. I really need to clean the house and do some laundry!!**_

_**Drop me one more review and give me your final opinion. Thanks:)**_


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